« August 2006 | Main | October 2006 »
September 28, 2006
The End
A week without jokes and nobody noticed :-(
This blog has been going since Feb 2003. It contains over 1600 entries (mainly jokes), almost 1000 (non-spam) comments and has seen more than 200,000 visitors.
It has been difficult to keep it going with all my other activities. For a while Peskie tried to keep it running but both he and I have had a lot of trouble getting into mu.nu to do normal maintenance. At least 50% of the time the admin access has been unavailable.
As a result, I have decided to give up for the time being. Maybe this can be resurrected in the future, maybe not. Either way I am still around and you can contact me via email. I am also part of LinkedIn so regular readers can connect that way as well....
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM | Comments (11)
September 20, 2006
Chemists II
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it, I can never remember that word."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
I Support the Pope
Also see: Relapsed Catholic...
(Found via Rosary Army).
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
September 19, 2006
Police....
A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.
Police are looking into it.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 18, 2006
Barbie
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?"
"Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00."
"Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?"
"Yeah, well, it's like this ... Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture ..."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 17, 2006
Politicians
A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.
The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"
The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 16, 2006
Windows is the Solution?
If Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back?
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 15, 2006
Laboratory Identification
You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?
If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 14, 2006
Talking Frogs
A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week". The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sex for a week". The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sex for a whole year!". The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sex for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies. "I don't have time for sex ... But a talking frog is pretty neat."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 13, 2006
Army Training
At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 12, 2006
Cutting back
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they'd have to drastically alter their life-style.
"If you'll just learn to cook," he said, "we can fire the chef."
"Okay," she said. "And if you learn how to make love, we can fire the gardener."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 11, 2006
Chemists
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 10, 2006
Computers
Macs ... are for those who don't want to know why their computer works.
Linux ... is for those who want to know why their computer works.
DOS ... is for those who want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Windows ... is for those who don't want to know why their computer doesn't work.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
Walk this way....
I just happened (by accident) to have clicked on the referrers list at SiteMeter and noticed a link from 'Walk this way....'. A quick click later and I had found what appears to be an excellent photo-blog. I was very impressed with a few of the photo tricks like the planet photo (circular image), and the collage. Worth a visit...
http://japee.journalspace.com/
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (1)
September 09, 2006
Men ...
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 08, 2006
Hey look at this....
Fighting attention deficit disorder wherever it - ooh, shiny!
I used to have the two tools of a system administrator on my desk at all times. The first is a 60 cm (2') wooden ruler with a metal edge - also known as a LART (L-user Attitude Readjustment Tool). This is used to punish (or threaten) the incompetent when they make ridiculous requests for services that cannot be supplied in an impossible timeframe (I need 5 Tb of storage added to the database by this afternoon). The second tool could be the bell of a Christmas tree (anything bright and shiny and tinkly). This is used for the other class of visitors - management....
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
Standover tactics not winning (yet)
From The Register:
The SCO Group saw its business ebb away during the third quarter, as both revenue and sales continued their steady migration southwards.
The Linux litigant recorded an increased net loss of $3.6m for the three months to July 31 compared to $2.2m, on total revenue that fell 20 per cent to $7.4m. SCO reported an increased loss per diluted share of $0.17, compared to $0.13 in the same period last year.
Revenue from SCO's Unix business dropped 22 per cent to $6.2m, while SCOsource revenue from licensing dipped 3.1 per cent to $31,000. Cough.
Hmmmmm. I wonder how munch money is left before they are tagged as financially bankrupt? Of course there are some who will claim that SCO has been morally bankrupt for some time....
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
September 07, 2006
How it all started...
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that Was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a caress'? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is 'make love' Lord?"' So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared in two seconds.
And Adam said, "Lord, what is a headache?"
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog
He hath. I hath readeth thome of it also.
Check out Serpentes on a Shippe! (spoylerez):
Al of Londoun ys aflame wyth newes of the grete entertaynment of 'Serpentes on a Shippe,' the which ys perfourmed ech daye by the menne of the gild of beekeeperes (and thus ys ycleped a 'b-movie'). Ich haue just nowe retourned from a trippe to see yt wyth Litel Lowys and Tommy Vske. Whan ich was ther, Tommy founde for me a copye of the romaunce in fyve chapteres on whiche the performaunce ys based, and Ich shal pooste yt heere for yower redyge. (This writer hath a verye good style - ich am reallye jealous. Oon daye, peraventure, ich shalle write sum thyng of Arthur; and yet, the matir of Troye hath alwey ben easier for me.)
It was so funny that I have added it to the blogroll for the time being.
http://houseoffame.blogspot.com/
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
September 06, 2006
Newsflash: 24-inch iMac pricing
Looks like the base price is $US2000, a hike of $US500 over the 20" model. For your money you get a bigger screen (1920x1200 instead of 1680x1050) and a better video card (GeForce 7300GT). There appear to be more memory slots (you can configure 3x1Gb DIMMS) and the procs are now 64-bit.
Wonder if someone let this slip early given all the excitment about a September 12 announcement.
Posted by Ozguru at 11:15 PM | Comments (1)
Newsflash: 24-inch iMac released
All the rumour sites have been speculating about a new 23" iMac - wrong.
It is 24" and it appeared on Apple's site this evening (and also in the US Apple Store). I can't believe that none of the Mac sites have spotted this yet....
It is not on the Apple Australia site or store yet.
Posted by Ozguru at 11:00 PM | Comments (2)
Sleeping in Meetings?
If you sleep in meetings, you should memorise a snappy comeback like this one:
A lady who was known as Churchill's main rival in parliament was giving a speech.
Churchill, with his usual enthusiasm for his rival, dozed off while the lady was speaking.
She stopped her speech and awoke Sir Winston by yelling, "Mr. Churchill, must you sleep while I talk?"
Churchill sleepily replied, "No, ma'am. I do so purely by choice."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
September 05, 2006
kevgillett.net
An Aussie blogger with common-sense (which is very rare). Interesting posts on integration, dodgy lawyers and missile damage.
http://www.kevgillett.net/
Posted by Ozguru at 11:00 PM | Comments (2)
Blogroll Cleanup
Someone noted that I have a number of dead links so I am cleaning up the blogroll. If you see yourself disappearing and this bothers you, get in touch with me or leave a comment. If you want to be added to the blogroll, leave a comment as well....
Going, going, gone....
- A.E. Brain - still current
- Accidental Verbosity - still current
All AgitProp, All the Time...- no posts since November 2005?- Alphecca - still current
- Ambient Irony - still current
- Being American in T.O. - no posts since July 2006???
- Bloggin' Outloud - still current
- Da Goddess - still current (but an old link for my blog)
- Dave's Half Arsed Blog - still current
- Dusting My Brain - still current
Eric James Stone's Blog- no link???Geoffrey Huntley- no blog???- Gray Monk, The - still current
Grrrrr Be Afraid- Hijacked???- Interested-Participant - still current
Jaboobie and Two Hard Boiled Eggs- no link??? (also blog moved)Kat's Stuff- no blog???- Kazza the Blank One - still current
- Mind of Mog - still current (but an old link for my blog)
MrBarrett.com- no link???My Boyfriend is a Twat- no link???- NN的開心世界.....平凡裡的色彩!!!! - still current
- Old Horsetail Snake - no link??? (but he commented here the other day)
- On The Third Hand - still current
On the Beach at the End of the World- no blog???Ranchero- not really a blog- Read My Lips - sort of still there (but an old link for my blog)
Rock Garden, The- no site at all- Selective Amnesia - still current
Tan Lucy Pez- no link???- Tech Ronin - still current (but an old link for my blog)
Technically Speaking- no link???Thoughts from the Middle of Nowhere- No link???- UnderCaffeinated - no posting since May (but an old link for my blog)
- skipjack DOT info - still current
Correction: There was a link on Thoughts from the Middle of Nowhere, I just didn't spot it when I scanned the blog last night - it was under the heading 'Neighbor Blogs' (which I assumed were other blogs in the US). Sarpy Sam is restored to the BlogRoll.....
Have I made any other errors?
Posted by Ozguru at 08:00 PM | Comments (7)
Married Men
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous ... or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
Where are the kiwis?
Looks like I have upset the kiwis :-)
Oh, and in case you were wondering, the single most popular post of all time is Harry Potter #7 with 20 comments. The main theme of the post (and the comments) revolve around the question of Harry being a horcrux.
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (4)
September 04, 2006
Charity begins at home...
The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... No."
"Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?" The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.
"Third, that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea ..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "... And I don't give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!?"
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 03, 2006
Male Flies vs Female Flies
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," He responded.
"Oh, killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, three males, two females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
September 02, 2006
Latin Phrases V
Wow, this is a popular topic, lots of hits and even a few emailed suggestions....
Machina improba! Vel mihi ede potum vel mihi redde nummos meos!
You infernal machine! Give me a beverage or give me my money back!
Magnus frater spectat te
Big Brother is watching you
Nam et ipsa scientia potestas es
Knowledge is power
Nolite id cogere, cape malleum majorem
Don't force it, get a bigger hammer
Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema
I don't care. If it doesn't rhyme, it isn't a poem
Omnes lagani pistrinae gelate male sapiunt
All frozen pizzas taste lousy
Perscriptio in manibus tabellariorum est
The check is in the mail
Plvres crapvla qvam gladivs
Drunkeness [kills] more than the sword
Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis
You do not know the power of the dark side
Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit
A wise man does not do this into the wind
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
September 01, 2006
Specialisation
Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
A: One treats what he thinks you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM