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May 31, 2004
Fortune of the Day
Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
SAMPLE: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
(1) Horses have an even number of legs.
(2) They have two legs in back and fore legs in front.
(3) This makes a total of six legs, which certainly is an odd number of legs for a horse.
(4) But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity.
(5) Therefore, horses must have an infinite number of legs.
Topics to be covered in future issues include proof by:
- Intimidation
- Gesticulation (handwaving)
- "Try it; it works"
- Constipation (I was just sitting there and ...)
- Blatant assertion
- Changing all the 2's to _n's
- Mutual consent
- Lack of a counterexample, and
- "It stands to reason"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 30, 2004
Blessings
One day while he was at the track betting on the ponies and nearly losing his shirt, Mitch noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 3rd race.
Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race. Mitch was most interested to see what the priest did the next race.
Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the 4th race horses lined up, and place a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mitch made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse.
Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mitch collected his winnings and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 5th race.
The priest showed, blessed a horse, Mitch bet on it, and it won! Mitch was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first.
Mitch began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew his savings and awaited the priest�s blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses.
Mitch bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last.
Mitch was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest, he demanded, �What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I�ve lost my savings too, thanks to you!!�
The priest nodded wisely and said, �That�s the problem with Protestants, you can�t tell the difference between a simple blessing and the Last Rites.�
[Found at Silver Blue.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
May 29, 2004
Fortune of the Day
Vila: "I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life."
Orac: "It is unlikely. I would predict there are far greater mistakes waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
May 28, 2004
Man Bashing ...
.... from a female perspective
Q: What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A: Shoot him again.
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A1: 1-he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
A2: 3- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
[Found over at The Happy Carpenter.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 27, 2004
Fortune of the Day
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
On the other hand, if you don't enjoy it, then you can avoid it tomorrow.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 26, 2004
Looking Good
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.
After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.
This happens about another seven times before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 25, 2004
Fortune of the Day
Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
-- Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 24, 2004
Kiwi Joke
Auckland Zoo (in New Zealand) had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.
The gorilla was on heat.
To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big farmer lad & former All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery.
Graham, like most All Blacks, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500?
Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
"Fust," he said, "I don"t want to have to kuss er."
"Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus."
The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.
"Wull," said Graham, "You gotta give me another wik to come up with the $500."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
Who wrote Linux?
I was going to ignore this topic until it went away but I am starting to get emails about it ....
You can find the details of the story at The Register, but in summary, a known Microslosh front called the 'Alexis de Tocqueville Institution' has published a report casting aspersions on the foundation of Linux. The main thrust of the argument is that "Unix" was too complicated to be created by one person. This ignores three important points:
1. Unix was invented by one person (at least the kernel was) - Ken Thompson. It took two to convert it to a higher level language (which made it portable).
2. Other people had written Unix-like systems. Especially relevant was Minix by Andy Tanenbaum.
3. Linux is a combination of one person's kernel (written in Minix/Unix tradition) by Linus Torvalds and the rest of an operating system provided by Herd (the Gnu operating system).
To compile the report, the author went to speak to Andy Tanenbaum but Andy did not co-operate in the "right way" so he wandered off to interview students. Check out Andy Tanenbaum's story and keep in mind that as the author of his own operating system (Minix) he certainly knows what he is talking about and his opinion is far more relevant that the opinion of the Alexis de Tocqueville Institution.
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
May 23, 2004
Fortune of the Day
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss -- and when.
Remember that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on "HOLD".
Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
You are a fluke of the universe ...
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not, the universe
Is laughing behind your back.
-- National Lampoon
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
May 22, 2004
The Fight
Into a Galway pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a foight," says Paddy.
"That little twat, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
"That Oi did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but feckin! useless in a fight."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 21, 2004
Clean Dish?
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish.'"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 20, 2004
Blonde Bomb
A guy walks into a bar and starts chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman. During the course of the conversation he says: "Would you like to hear a 'blonde' joke?"
"Well", says the girl, "I'm obviously blonde, I'm 6 feet tall without heels and I've been training in judo for the past 5 years."
Raising her voice slightly she went on, "My flatmate's blonde, she's 6 feet 2 inches tall, has been involved in karate for 10 years, she's a black belt and has been Southern Counties Ladies' Champion for the past 3 years."
Lastly she added "My next door neighbor's blonde, she weighs over 200 pounds and is a professional womens' wrestler, do you still want to tell the joke about a blonde?"
"Well no" came the reply, "Not if I've got to explain it 3 times".
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
May 19, 2004
Budgie Jumping?
A blonde went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the shop owner "Give me the lot" said the blonde, paid for them and left. She went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. She hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked her what had happened. "I don't know sir" she replied "but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping".
[Found over at Silver Blue.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 18, 2004
How long?
The farmer whittled the stick as the tourist approached him. 'How long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?' came the nasal enquiry from the rich American.
The farmer continued to whittle and started to whistle too.
'I said how long to get to the nearest town, Paddy?'
No reply. Just whistle and whittle.
'Gee, Paddy, I've been a walkin' all day. Couldn't you just tell me how aw heck, what's the use,' and the American walked away from the farmer in disgust. He had gone about a hundred yards when the farmer called him back. Exasperated, the American returned.
'It will take you about an hour,' said the farmer.
'Gee, thanks Paddy. But why didn't you tell me that in the first place?'
'Had to see how fast you could walk first,' said the farmer.
[Found at Cynical Cyn.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 17, 2004
T.G.I.F.
A business man got on an elevator in a tall building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering,"S-H-I-T."
The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time. The man smiled back to her and once again answers, "S-H-IT."
The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it, duuhhh?"
The man answered, "S-H-I-T - - - Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
[Found at Cynical Cyn.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 16, 2004
Dinner with Mum
Jeff invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome Jeff's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Jeff's sexuality and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two men interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Jeff and the roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thought's Jeff volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mike and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Mike came to Jeff and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
Well, I doubt it," Jeff replied, "but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Mother, I'm not saying you did take a silver gravy ladle from my house and I'm not saying you did not take a silver gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Jeff received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you do sleep with Mike and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Mike. But the fact remains that if he were sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the silver gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"
[Found at SilverBlue.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 15, 2004
Fortune of the Day
Todays quote:
The human mind ordinarily operates at only ten percent of its capacity
-- the rest is overhead for the operating system.
Does that mean we are running Windblows? Unix never takes 90% of the capacity :-)
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 14, 2004
Fortune of the Day
"What's that thing?"
"Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in computer repair. Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what it does. We call it a two-by-four."
-- Jeff MacNelley, "Shoe"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (5)
May 13, 2004
Hillbilly View
A pretty woman, carrying a stack of boxes from a shopping spree, was walking down the street when all of a sudden a strong wind lifts her skirt. The hillbilly standing nearby just looked and smiled.
The woman snaps at him, "Well, I can see that you're no gentleman!"
The hillbilly replies, "And I kin see you ain't one, neither!"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
May 12, 2004
Raisin Bread
A man walks into a bread store and sees this remarkable beauty of a girl at the counter. A bit flustered, he asks from some raisin bread. The girl smiles, turns around and climbs up a utility ladder to reach that variety of bread which is on the top-most shelf.
Meanwhile, the man below can easily look up her micro-mini skirt and sees she not only isn't wearing panties, but is shaved almost bare.
He stutteringly pays for the bread and heads out. As he reaches the door, another man is walking in.
"Hey buddy; Ask for raisin bread... Trust me..."
The next man, a bit puzzled asks for the raisin bread and is treated to the same awe inspiring sight.
As he leaves, another man is coming in. He too advises the next patron to ask for raisin bread, which he does. While the woman is on the ladder and older gentleman walks in, looks up and stares slack-jawed at the picture perfect pouting pudenda.
The woman looks down, sees the old man, and says, "I suppose yours is raisin too."
The elderly man smiles a little and says, "No, but it's twitchin' a little."
[Found in the comments at Da Goddess.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
TechTip: Floppy RAID
There is a very good reason why As the Apple Turns is still the number one apple-related humour site on the web - it is still funny after all this time.
Take the episode today which discusses a RAID made from floppy disks (certainly meets the "inexpensive disk" criteria):
Floppies, as you know, are slower than sludge on ice and have a data capacity roughly on par with a small bundle of twigs held together with a rubber band. This is the lowest-end data storage around-- assuming you can even find them anymore. Well, the guy in question just happens to work for a manufacturer of USB floppy drives, so he grabbed five of them, plugged them into his Bondi Blue iMac running Jaguar, inserted five disks, fired up Disk Utility, and set them up as a striped RAID. Six minutes later, he had a 4.22 MB disk on his Desktop comprised of five whirring floppies. Imagine the noise as he dragged a 3.6 MB file to it-- which copied in a mere 32 seconds, which, in floppy terms, does in fact technically qualify as "turbo lightning speed!!"
Interestingly enough, this guy originally tried to build his floppy RAID under Windows XP, but that "other" operating system wouldn't let him do it. Leave it to Apple, who ditched floppy drives six whole years ago, to allow a use for floppies that's actually cool.
Jack starts out talking about geeky stuff but still finds time to take a swipe at Microslosh - my favourite kind of site :-)
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
May 11, 2004
Smile....
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Schwartz had the longest penis he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity." And the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's schlong.
The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and he opened his briefcase.
"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Schwartz is dead!"
[From CynicalCyn.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 10, 2004
Safety Seal
When the mother returned from the grocery store, her small son pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for.
Then he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter.
"What are you doing?" his mom asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained. "I'm looking for the seal."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 09, 2004
Fast Drinking
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."
The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "a dollar."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 08, 2004
Everything is Big in Texas
There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!"
The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."
When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!"
The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."
After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right."
The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.
Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 07, 2004
Last Thing
A terrific explosion occurs in a gunpowder factory, and once all the mess has been cleared up, and inquiry begins.
One of the few survivors is pulled up to make a statement.
"Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene, what happened?"
"Well, it's like this. Old Charley Higgins was in the mixing room, and I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and light up."
"He was smoking in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been with the company?"
"About 20 years, sir"
"20 years in the company, then he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd have done."
"It was, sir."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 06, 2004
The Truth
Two young boys were discussing their parents, when one realized he really knew very little about his mother. Arriving home that evening, he gave her a third degree examination.
"How old are you?" he asked.
"None of your business," replied his mother, shortly.
"Okay, then how much do you weigh?"
"That's not your business either, young man."
The boy thinks a minute then delivers his final bombshell. "Well then, can you tell me why you and daddy got divorced?"
Shocked and appalled, mom sends junior to bed without supper.
The next day, the kid reports his failure to his schoolmate.
"I know!" says his buddy, "Just look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll tell you everything you want to know."
Later that day, mom finds her son next to her disemboweled purse, holding her driver's license.
"Just what the heck do you think you are doing?" she yells.
"Well, you wouldn't tell me what I wanted to know," says the junior detective, "but my friend said it's all right here. See, you're 40 years old...you weigh 145 pounds...and daddy divorced you because you got an 'F' in Sex."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 05, 2004
Dinner with the folks
Just like the one about the guy about to marry. He goes over for dinner with the folks. They're out of ice, so the fiancee and her Dad go out to get some more. The Mum is an absolute hottie, and as soon as the others are gone, she starts woo-ing the guy. After much flirting she finally tells him that she's going up to her bedroom and if you wants her he should follow. Hearing this, the guy races outside to his car. He turns around and sees the Mum, Dad and fiancee all standing there beaming. "This was one final test of your fidelty and love and you passed with flying colours" said the Dad.
Moral: always keep your condoms in the car.
[Found in the comments at Da Goddess.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
May 04, 2004
It's A Small World
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the officer her license.
"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest, most difficult woman I've ever met."
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 03, 2004
Surrogate Father
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good!? I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of ..." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well-when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right.? People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.? Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, um... equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam?..... Good Lord, she's fainted!"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 02, 2004
Is Shooting Irresponsible?
Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day by a female interviewer concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun control this is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between the female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald as he was preparing to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
May 01, 2004
Getting Older
I got this letter from my brother Ken a while back, and I thought I should share it with you all:
Dear Rofl,
It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they should try not to yell.
Let me relate how I handle the situation.
When I got laid off from my consulting job and took "early retirement" in January, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for health benefits that we need. She was a trained medical transcriptionist when we met twenty-eight years ago, and was fortunate to land a job at a local transcription house. It was shortly after she started working at this job that I noticed that she was beginning to show her age.
I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts supper. I try not to yell at her when this happens. Instead, I tell her to take her time. I understand that she is not as young as she used to be. I just tell her to wake me when she finally does get supper on the table.
She used to wash and dry the dishes as soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done before she goes to bed.
Our washer and dryer are in the basement. When she was younger, Nancy used to be able to go up and down the stairs all day and not get tired. Now That she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I am willing to overlook it.
Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog, vacuuming, or dusting. Also, if I have had a really good day fishing, this allows her to gut and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.
Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. Not often, mind you, but just enough for me to notice. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you know what I mean.
When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest periods than she used to have to take. A couple of weeks ago she said she had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I overlook comments like these because I realise it's just age talking. In fact, I try not to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest breaks. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade, and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take her break by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.
I could go on and on, but I think you know where I'm coming from. I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can become, as they get older. My purpose in writing this is simply to suggest that you make the effort. I realise that achieving the exemplary level of showing consideration I have attained is out of reach for the average man.
However, Rofl, even if you just yell at your wife a little less often because of this article, I will consider that writing it was worthwhile.
Regards,
Ken.
By the way, Ken's funeral was last Monday. Nancy was acquitted yesterday.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM