G'day Mate (Mk III): December 2005 Archives

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December 31, 2005

Fight to the top

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 30, 2005

Work is ...

... for people who don't know how to fish.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 29, 2005

Is it true...

... that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 28, 2005

Spell Checkers

[Sent via email...]

I have a spelling checker
I disk covered four my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it.
Your sure real glad two no.
Its very polished in its weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a blessing.
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

Each frays comes posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are not maid too wine.

And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults in awl this peace,
Of nun eye am a wear.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.

That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz Eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 27, 2005

What a cute baby...

[Found at the always-funny Read My Lips...]

When we brought our new-born son to the paediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."
Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."
"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking."
"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.
"He looks just like you."

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 26, 2005

Some people...

... are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas

I know that some of the readers may not be Christian and may prefer some other greeting but too bad. I happen to be Christian and I want to wish everyone a wonderful Christmas and a happy New Year. If that worries you, just jump to the next blog on your list and come back in a week or so when this greeting falls to the bottom of the page :-)

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM

Geeks vs Half a Glass

Everyone knows the "half a glass" test. You show a half glass to someone and ask them to describe it. The optimist will say the glass is half full, the pessimist will say that the glass is half empty.

Somebody decided to run the test with a half glass of milk in an IT company....

Pascal programmers: Well, what type of milk is it?
C Programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the jug.
Assembly programmers: No thanks; I drink straight from the cow.
Fuzzy logic guys: I may or may not have drunk some part of that milk.
Prolog programmers: I know I drank it - just don't ask me how.
Pentium users: I drank Glass * .49999999 . . . but don't hold me to that.
Windows users: Where's my straw?
Shareware game author: That glass is free; the next one you have to pay for.
Security consultant: Where'd the rest of the milk go?
Process Reengineer: Looks like you've got twice as much glass as you need there.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 24, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part VII)

This one happens to be a personal favourite...

The North Wind

The north wind is tossing the leaves
the red dust is over the town
The sparrows are under the eaves
And the grass in the paddock is brown
As we lift up our voices and sing
To the Christ child the heavenly king.

The tree ferns in green gullies sway
the cool stream flows silently by
the joy bells are greeting the day
And the chimes are adrift in the sky
As we lift up our voices and sing
To the Christ child the heavenly king.

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM

Consciousness...

... that annoying time between naps.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 23, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part VI)

The Three Drovers

Across the plains one Christmas night
Three drovers riding blithe and gay,
Looked up and saw a starry light
More radiant than the Milky Way;
And on their hearts such wonder fell,
They sang with joy. 'Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel!'

The air was dry with summer heat,
And smoke was on the yellow moon;
But from the heavens, faint and sweet,
Came floating down a wond'rous turn;
And as they heard, they sang full well
Those drovers three. 'Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel!'

The black swans flew across the sky,
The wild dog called across the plain,
The starry lustre blazed on high,
Still echoed on the heavenly strain;
And still they sang, 'Noel! Noel!'
Those drovers three. 'Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel! Noel!'

Words by John Wheeler.
Music by William G.James.

This site has a midi file of the music (scroll to the bottom of the page)...

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM

Divorce Court

[I found this in the comments at Read My Lips, the author was Lyn...]

And so the judge asks, "What did he say again that would bring you to my court?" She said, "He woke up and said where are we Carol?" "And this upset you?" "Yes, my name is Susan!"

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 22, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part V)

As the front page is getting far too long, I am only going to supply the last verse for the 'Aussie 12 Days of Christmas'...

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me
Twelve parrots prattling,
Eleven numbats nagging,
Ten lizards leaping,
Nine wombats working,
Eight dingoes digging,
Seven possums playing,
Six brolgas dancing,
Five kangaroos,
Four koalas cuddling,
Three kookaburras laughing,
Two pink galahs,
And an emu up a gum tree!

[Tomorrow and Christmas day, I have more serious Aussie carols :-)]

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (1)

Finding a Parking Space

[From Read My Lips...]

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."
There was no intention involved by the use of the name Pedro or his preference for tequila and Catholicism. The joke could apply to Baptist Bubba and beer or James, the Presbyterian Deacon, and his preference for young blondes and Scotch on the rocks.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)

December 21, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part IV)

[Lyrics deciphered from a 702 CD....]

Deck The Shed With Bits of Wattle
[Sung to the tune of "Deck the Hall"...]

Deck the shed with bits of wattle
Fa La La La La - La La La La
Whack some gumleaves in a bottle
Fa La La La La - La La La La
All the shops are open sundies
Fa La La La La - La La La La
Buy you Dad some socks and undies
Fa La La La La - La La La La

Deck the shed with bits of gumtree...
Hang some deco's off the plum tree...
Plant some kisses on the missus...
Have a ripper Aussie Christmas...

Say G'day to friends and relies...
Wave them off with bulging bellies...
Kids and babies, youngies, oldies...
May your fridge be full of coldies...

Chop the wood and stoke the barbie...
Ring the folks in Abu-dabi...
Pop the stuffing in the turkey...
Little Mary's feeling ercky!...

Rally Rally round the table...
Fill your belly while your able...
While Joyce and Joanie, Dave and Daryl...
sing an Aussie Christmas Carol...

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (2)

Golfer

A minister was on the golf course one Saturday, thinking about his sermon between shots.

Suddenly he heard a duffer, deep in a sand trap, let loose a stream of profanity.

"Excuse me," said the minister. "But I couldn't help hearing. And you know, I have often noticed that the BEST golfers are NOT addicted to the use of foul language."

"Well, of course not," responded the man, still red in the face. "What would they have to swear about?"

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 20, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part III)

Six White Boomers
[I believe this was originally by Rolf Harris]

Early on one Christmas Day a Joey Kangaroo
Was far from his home and lost in a great big zoo
“Mummy, where's my mummy? They've taken her away”
“We'll help you find your mummy, son. Hop up on this sleigh”

Up beside the bag of toys, little Joey hopped
But they had'nt gone far when Santa stopped
Unharnessed all the reindeer and Joey wondered why
Then he heard a far-off booming in the sky

Boom, boing, boom, boing, boom, boing, boom, boing

Chorus:
Six White Boomers, snow white boomers
Racing Santa Claus through the blazing sun
Six White Boomers, snow white boomers
On his Australian run

Pretty soon old Santa began to feel the heat
Took his fur-lined boots off to cool his feet
Into one popped Joey and curled up right away
While those old men kangaroos kept pulling on the sleigh

Then Joey said to Santa “Santa what about the toys?
Aren't you going to give some to all the girls and boys?”
Well they've had all their presents, sonny, we were here last night
This is an extra special trip - Joey's special flight”

Soon his sleigh was flashing past right over Marblebar
“Slow down there”, he cried “It can't be very far
Hop up on my lap here son, and have a look around”
“There she is there's mummy bouncing up and down”

Well that's the bestest Christmas treat that Joey ever had
Curled up in Mother's pouch feeling snug and glad
The last they saw was Santa heading t'wards the sun
the only year the boomers worked a double run.

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (1)

The End is Nigh...

[Found at SilverBlue...]

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 19, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part II)

[Just for Kathy K....]

Jingle Bells (Aussie Style)

Dashing through the bush,
in a rusty Holden Ute,
Kicking up the dust,
esky in the boot,
Kelpie by my side,
singing Christmas songs,
It's summer time and I am in
my singlet, shorts and thongs...

Oh! Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Christmas in Australia on a scorching summers day, Hey!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas time is beaut!,
Oh what fun it is to ride in a rusty Holden Ute.

Engine's getting hot;
we dodge the kangaroos,
The swaggie climbs aboard,
he is welcome too.
All the family's there,
sitting by the pool,
Christmas Day the Aussie way,
by the barbecue.

Come the afternoon,
Grandpa has a doze,
The kids and Uncle Bruce,
are swimming in their clothes.
The time comes 'round to go,
we take the family snap,
Pack the car and all shoot through,
before the washing up.

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (3)

Age shall not weary them

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 18, 2005

Aussie Carols (Part I)

I dunno about you lot but all this "dreaming of a white Christmas" and roasting chestnuts is sort of getting a bit dull when the temperature tomorrow is supposed to be around 40C (105F). So how about singing a few carols that are more suited to Australian conditions....

Australians let us Barbeque
[Sung to the tune of "Advance Australia Fair"]

Australians let us Barbeque
For Christmas time is here
We've Christmas pud and t-bone steaks
And slabs of ice-cold beer
We've gone and got the relies round
And we'll all have a ball
So let's kick back and have ourselves
A Yuletide free-for-all

Our forebears came from distant shores
To set this party up
So we could dine with paper plate
and polystyrene cup
On patterned plastic table cloth
We'll eat our Christmas pies
If our forebears could see us now
They'd not believe their eyes

Across this land in summer sun
In backyards small and great
We'll raise our voice in one accord
With "Merry Christmas Mate!'
In outback heat and city street
And all points in between
Come join with us and celebrate
This Aussie Christmas scene!

With sausages and coleslaw too
Then let us Barbeque.

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (1)

Heaven

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

The man says, "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"

St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here."

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 17, 2005

Advertising Lingo

Found at marmalade dot ca:

New Different color from previous design.

All New Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.

Exclusive Imported product.

Unmatched Almost as good as the competition.

Foolproof Operation No provision for adjustments.

Advanced Design The advertising agency doesn't understand it.

It's Here at Last Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.

Field Tested Manufacturer lacks test equipment.

High Accuracy Unit on which all parts fit.

Futuristic No other reason why it looks the way it does.

Redesigned Previous flaws fixed - we hope.

Direct Sales Only Factory had a big argument with distributor.

Years of Development We finally got one to work.

Breakthrough We finally figured out a use for it.

Maintenance Free Impossible to fix.

Meets All Standards Ours, not yours.

Solid-State Heavy as heck.

High Reliability We made it work long enough to ship it.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 16, 2005

A closed mouth gathers no feet

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."

The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 15, 2005

Late

A guy shows up late for work.

The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!"

The guy replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 14, 2005

Marriage

Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent."

"Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother."

"I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You just take her with you."

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 13, 2005

Medical Advice

When Joe's wife ran away he got so depressed that his doctor sent him to see a psychiatrist. Joe told the psychiatrist his troubles and said, "Life isn't worth living."

"Don't be stupid, Joe," said the psychiatrist. "Let work be your salvation. I want you to totally submerge yourself in your work. Now, do you do for a living?"

"I clean out septic tanks." Joe replied.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 12, 2005

A True Female Chauvanist

[Found over at On the Third Hand...]

A woman is resting after giving birth to her baby. The doctor comes in to her room, and he says, “I have something to tell you about your baby.”
The woman sits up in bed and says, “What’s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What’s wrong?”
The doctor says, “Well now, nothing’s wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”
The woman says, “A hermaphrodite…. what’s that?”
The doctor says, “Well, it means your baby has the… er… features…of a male and a female.”
The woman turns pale. She says, “Oh my god! You mean it has a penis, and… a brain?!?”

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 11, 2005

Seminars...

From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)

December 10, 2005

Cat-astrophy

Seems a guy was driving for hours through desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat.

Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants.

When the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon me madame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off...."

"Not so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?"

The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He looks like this" as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.

"Oh no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant, what did he look like *before* you hit him?"

At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!"

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 09, 2005

Seeing eye dogs

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 08, 2005

One Phone call

The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the town square.

The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a phone call, since he was unable to reach either parent.

Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer."

"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 07, 2005

Thought for the Day

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales get so fat?

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)

December 06, 2005

Think outside the square

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discoveredthat ball point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and millions of dollars developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down on almost any surface including glass and at below freezing to over 3000 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)

December 05, 2005

Laugh alone and ...

... the world thinks you're an idiot.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 04, 2005

How (little) women think?

Recycled from 2003/08/01.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

December 03, 2005

Keeping up...

Forget the Joneses, I try to keep us up with the Simpsons.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

Something is wrong with SMC

Q: You mentioned SMC the other day and I tried it but it doesn't seem to work. I get a message that reads "Starting the server for the first time may take a few minutes" and then nothing happens.

A. Yes. Perfectly right.

:-)

SMC ~~runs~~ ~~walks~~ crawls along in Java. I have never understood why Sun try to write apps in Java and then ~~run~~ ~~walk~~ crawl them under Solaris - Java can be quite snappy on platforms like Mac or Windows but it really drags on Solaris.

Basically the message you are getting is false advertising unless your definition of "few" extends to "quarter of an hour". Be patient. It might work. Eventually.

Please also note that I stated that Sun did NOT have an equivalent to SMIT but SMC was as close as you could get :-)

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM

December 02, 2005

Out of my mind ...

... back in five minutes.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

JNI Fibre Drivers

Q1: I have heard that JNI cards are no longer supported....
Q2: Why can't I find a driver for my JNI card....

A: There was a formal announcement about this:

AMCC (formerly JNI) plans to exit the Solaris Fibre Channel HBA market and has terminated their reseller relationship with Hitachi Data Systems and other OEM partners. The last driver qualified, tested & supported by Hitachi Data Systems is v5.3.0.11 for FCE-6460 & FCE-1473. The final driver available from AMCC (v5.3.1.1) has not been tested or qualified by Hitachi Data Systems.
We would advise customers to migrate to a more readily supportable product from either Emulex or QLogic (eg, LP10000 or QLA2340). Both vendors now offer Solaris drivers with the "no reboot" feature.

The announcement is really referring to the JNI badged (as opposed to Sun badged) cards. I believe the drivers for Sun-badged cards are still in Solaris 10 (see this thread). To download the legacy drivers, try this site.

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM

December 01, 2005

I love cats...

... they taste just like chicken.

Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM

IDPROM Invalid Contents (280R)

This message can also appear with a Sun Blade 1000 and for both machines it should only happen under Solaris 8. Other related errors include:

'IDPROM Invalid Contents' message at banner during power-on

'Trap32' or 'Trap63' failures at system power-on

'Red State Exception' at power-on

Incorrect CPU Module temperature readings

The problem is resolved with a series of patches (see SunAlertID 28290) which specifically recommends:

111228-01 or later

111293-03 or later

110383-01 or later

108528-09 or later

109888-05 or later

110460-03 or later (SunBlade only)

111292-03 or later

110723-02 or later

109882-04 or later

110800-01 or later (Sun 280R only)

Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM