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August 31, 2005
Elephant Jokes
The other day, I could not remember the right sequence for the elephant jokes that I can recall from when I was a kid. I rang up the master of jokes (Peskie) and he sorted me out....
Q: How do you fit four elephants in a mini?
A: Two in the front and two in the back.
Q: How do you fit five elephants in a mini?
A: Two in the front, two in the back and one in the glovebox.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant in the fridge?
A: A footprint in the butter?
Q: How do you recognise an elephant in your bed?
A: He has an 'E' on his pyjamas.
Q: How do you know if there are two elephants in the fridge?
A: Two footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you recognise two elephants in your bed?
A: They both have 'E' on their pyjamas.
Q: How do you know if there are four elephants in the fridge?
A: There is a mini parked out the front.
Q: How do you know if there are four elephants under your bed?
A: Your nose is close to the ceiling.
Q: How do you know if there are five elephants in the fridge?
[Answer in the extended entry....]
A: You can't shut the door.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (3)
August 30, 2005
Mature Wisdom
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 29, 2005
Sexism
Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
[Found at Mad Elaine's Pages...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 28, 2005
Women vs Motorcycles
An avid cycle fan once told me that the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Mr. Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. When he arrived at the Golden Gate, St. Peter told Arthur, "Because you've been such a good person and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you choose to up here in Heaven."
Mr. Davidson thought about it for a moment and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter then took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God. God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!" Arthur said, "Yes, Sir, that's me alright..."
God then said to Arthur, "Well, what's the big deal inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?" Arthur, who was apparently embarrassed hesitated to answer, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, Sir, but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Yes indeed, I am He that created the woman." "Well", said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention,
- There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion;
- It chatters constantly at high speeds;
- 3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;
- The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;
- And the maintenance costs are outrageous!", said Arthur.
God replied, "Hmmmm, you may have some good points there, but, hold on." God then went to his Celestial super-computer*, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed somewhat," God said to Arthur, "but, according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours".
[* Probably an Xserve cluster....]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 27, 2005
Beifeld's Principle
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of:
- a date,
- his wife,
- a better looking and richer male friend.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 26, 2005
Very Old Geek Joke
Proposed Additions to the PDP-11 Instruction Set:
BBW Branch Both Ways
BEW Branch Either Way
BBBF Branch on Bit Bucket Full
BH Branch and Hang
BMR Branch Multiple Registers
BOB Branch On Bug
BPO Branch on Power Off
BST Backspace and Stretch Tape
CDS Condense and Destroy System
CLBR Clobber Register
CLBRI Clobber Register Immediately
CM Circulate Memory
CMFRM Come From -- essential for truly structured programming
CPPR Crumple Printer Paper and Rip
CRN Convert to Roman NumeralsI was sure that CPPR was a real code - whenever I tried to get my machine code listings out, the band-printer would CPPR my printout. All it will take now is for someone to ask what a PDP* was to make me feel really, really old.
[* We used PDP 11/70's at university - 30 odd terminals and hundreds of students. Fortunately only half the students had accounts on the same PDP as you. The other half had another PDP all to themselves :-)]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 25, 2005
Instructions for Microsoft's New TV Dinner Product
[An oldie but a goodie....]
Author Unknown
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: \mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat//
Then enter: ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:->gohot#cookme.
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking. Also check to make sure the directory /usr/local/nuke_it/bin is in your path, and that the environment variable MCWV_PWR is set to 700 Watts. Then press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap . This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need. Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (3)
August 24, 2005
Buttered Toast
Two men were sitting over coffee, contemplating the nature of things, with all due respect for their breakfast. "I wonder why it is that toast always falls on the buttered side," said one.
"Tell me," replied his friend, "why you say such a thing. Look at this." And he dropped his toast on the floor, where it landed on the dry side.
"So, what have you to say for your theory now?"
"What am I to say? You obviously buttered the wrong side."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 23, 2005
The Irish Castaway
[Found at Cynical Cyn...]
One day an Irishman who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!
The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar"
"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wetsuit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"
"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmills Irish Whiskey?" asked the blonde.
Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years." Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket and removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the gods!" stated the Irishman. ''Tis truly fantastic!!!"
At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too !
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 22, 2005
Handicap?
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere!
[Found at Mad Elaine's Pages...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 21, 2005
Fractions
5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.
[Found at Mad Elaine's Pages...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 20, 2005
Teenagers...
"There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
Who or what was the KOTF?
I have been asked to prepare an advert to attract medium level Solaris administrator/engineer types. given past experience of job adverts (from both sides of the interview table), I was thinking of trying to be a bit clever and asking only for candidates who knew about the KOTF (Keepers of the Flame). Imagine my dismay to discover that the last known reference to the KOTF (according to Google) was December 1994 - more than 10 years ago. How would a Solaris dude with 5 - 8 years experience know about the KOTF?
Just to set the record straight, the KOTF was a group of Unix admins who disagreed with Sun's decision to migrate from BSD to SysV. Still confused? Way back around 1990 (+/- a few years), Sun announced a decision to switch from a BSD-based operating system (SunOS 4.x) to a System V based operating system (Solaris 2.x). This was a strategic decision for the company - to align with AT&T and become a commercial Unix provider instead of a company that made engineering workstations. At the time, in the middle of the religious-Unix wars, this was more significant that Apple announcing the use of Intel chips.
A fairly large group of end-users of SunOS formed the KOTF* to defend the use of SunOS and to convince Sun it was a bad decision. Things started to build up to a significant impasse between the users refusing to buy into the new technology and Sun refusing to spend any more effort on fixing the old technology. This was resolved to the satisfaction of most people when Sun announced that it would include a BSD compatibility kit (/usr/ucb) with Solaris. The downside was that it further delayed the actual release and Sun eventually re-badged SunOS as "Solaris 1.x" pending the eventual release of the SysV code.
So, to cut a long preamble short, it is probably not a good idea to mention the KOTF. I wonder what other gimmick I could use to make the adverts interesting but selective....
[* At the time I was very active of the KOTF newsgroups** (teaching people how to make SunOS do the things that Solaris could do).]
[** The only other newsgroup I was very active in was aus.flame.gareth.powell :-)]
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
August 19, 2005
Dope Farming?
Grow your own Dope - Plant a Politician.
[Found at Mad Elaine's Pages...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 18, 2005
Speed of Light
Nothing is faster than the speed of light.
To prove this to yourself, try opening the refrigerator door before the light comes on.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 17, 2005
Dingos are smart...
[Found over at Skipjack DOT Info...]
A wealthy Australian man (yes, we still have a few left) decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dingo along for company.
One day, the Dingo started chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dingo thinks, "Geez, I'm in deep poop now!" He noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dingo exclaims loudly, "Bugger me dead, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"
Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dingo nearly had me."
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dingo sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving Aussie canine."
Now the dingo sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "Struth, what am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dingo says, "Where the bloody hell's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
August 16, 2005
Circular Definition
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
[Found at Mad Elaine's Pages...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
August 15, 2005
Tainted Money
A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 14, 2005
Overheard
BOFH: "Well it's a complex thing, bypassing Windows security. I mean you'll have to boot from a CD..."
PHB: "Yes, and then?"
BOFH: "That's pretty much it."
From the latest BOFH - The name's BOFH - James BOFH - a precise explanation of Windows security.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 13, 2005
Women...
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help.
[Found at Mad Elaine's Pages...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Rounding with strfmon on Solaris
A friend of a friend had a problem last week with strfmon on Solaris. He annoyingly refused to give any details about Solaris versions but he did provide a small code segment:
#include <stdio.h>
#include <errno.h>
#include <locale.h>
#include <monetary.h>
int main (int ac, char **av)
{
const char* strfmonfmt="%^10.0n";
double val = 99.49;
char str[64];
setlocale (LC_MONETARY, "en_AU");
strfmon (str, sizeof(str), strfmonfmt, val);
printf ("%.2f = %s\n", val, str);
return 0;
}Well the example did what it should and produced a right-aligned value of 99. Tests on various other values worked as well so I had to ask for some more clues while pointing out that the code (as provided) was not doing appropriate error-checking on the return value of the strfmon call.
The FOAF suggested making "small" changes to to val, so I tried '99.5' and got a right-aligned "00" instead of the expected "100". Obviously the routine works out the number of places to display before actually rounding the number. This means that any rounding attempts which change the number of integer digits demonstrates the same funny behaviour.
This is a real, genuine, absolutely uncompromising, 100% bug. You could log it with Sun and wait for a patch.... but why not work out a way around the problem - after all, the purpose of strfmon is not really to round numbers (that is more like a side effect). How about doing an IEEE approved round of the number before using strfmon - it will take a few more cycles but it means that we are using the right routines for the right tasks. Also note that for this example, the error code is pretty slap-dash*.
The code appears in the extended entry, just in case some of you want to solve it on your own (in which case don't read any further...
Oh, and for the Mac fans out there, this code works correctly on the Mac. I even tried identical versions of gcc - works on the Mac, fails on Solaris. That suggests the bug is really in the library.
Note that the inclusion of math.h may require you to include the math library (-lm or -lmath) when you compile this code. Check your local manpage and of course YMMV**...
[* i.e. cobbled together - should be written much better...]
[** Your Milage May Vary...]
#include <stdio.h>
#include <errno.h>
#include <locale.h>
#include <monetary.h>
#include <math.h>
int main (int ac, char **av)
{
const char* strfmonfmt="%^10.0n";
double val = 99.51;
char str[64];
setlocale (LC_MONETARY, "en_AU");
if (strfmon (str, sizeof(str), strfmonfmt, rint(val)) == -1)
{
printf("Error in strfmon\n") ;
}
printf ("%.2f = %s\n", val, str);
return 0;
}Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
August 12, 2005
Flip the Bird
Have you ever wondered just how rude you were being when you flip the bird*? Well the Australian Senate had to decide on that very point yesterday. Despite some opinions (Prime Minister John Howard says it was unacceptable and wrong for Nationals senator Julian McGauran to make a rude finger gesture in the Senate), the senate ruling was that gesture is unseemly but not obscene.
Personally I think the highlight of the debate was the serve handed out by Sen. Ron Boswell on the inappropriately named leader of the Greens (Bob Brown**). Bobby was leading the attack on Sen. McGauran*** for being offensive which was pretty ripe given his own background and his amazingly childish response to visiting dignitaries in the past.
So, next time you feel the urge to flip-the-bird - just remember that you are merely being unseemly. If you intended a more extreme insult, you may want to consider changing to a two-finger salute or perhaps mouthing some epithets to go with the action.
Verse 8 (from Am I Right, tune is 'If You're Happy and You Know it'):
If your nine-to-five job's stinking, flip the bird
If you're not that good at thinking, flip the bird
If you're working for the man
If the sh*t has hit the fan
If you have to kiss the Gran
Flip the bird
[* Also known as the "middle-finger-salute"...]
[** Had I been in the chamber, I probably would have added some kind words to leader of the watermelon party - something along the lines of "your mother wears army boots"...]
[*** Disturbingly, McGauran used the wrong finger. Which implies that either he is inexperienced or dumb. I hope it was inexperience because it looks like this season of 'Parliament on TV' is going to a lot of fun.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 11, 2005
Are you getting ready for Vista?
According to The Mac Observer, at least one person is:
An Austrian virus writer has published five sample viruses targeting Microsoft's new Windows Vista operating system. While there is little concern they could wreak serious problems, the viruses carry the distinction of being the first to impact an OS that has yet to even be released in final form.That appeals to my sense of the ridiculous. On the one hand we have an OS that has been through multiple iterations over five years with no viruses at all and on the other hand an operating system that hasn't even been released yet.
In a similar twist, Former 'Spam King' pays MS $7m to settle lawsuit - so the company who made insecure system which could then be used to spread SPAM got a payment out of the guy who was actually doing the spamming. How much of that money will actually go to closing the holes that the guy was using? If you guessed anything greater than a nickel, you need a healthy dose of cynicism with your breakfast tomorrow.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
August 10, 2005
Replacing an A1000 battery
This procedure is taken from Sun document 805-7758-13 (which was very hard to find). It covers the replacement of a battery which has not yet failed:
- Turn off the cache and make sure the LED is OFF
- Swap the battery out
- Reset the battery age:
# raidutil -cdevice_name -R - Wait 15 minutes and then run the Recovery Guru to verify that everything is fine
- Turn the cache back on again
If your battery is completely dead then you need to shut down your A1000 and remove the power. Swap the battery out, power everything back on and start from Step 3 above.
Posted by Ozguru at 08:00 PM
Tuba?
DiskWorldMonthly Reader: I'd just as soon play games on my phone as I would shoot rabbits with a tuba.
DiskWorldMonthly replies: Really? What kind of ammunition do you use with a tuba?
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 09, 2005
Software vs Hardware
If it’s not on fire, then it’s a software problem.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Building an E4500/5500/6500
These machines are quite impressive and a number of them are available on eBay and the like for not much more than a song. The hassle is, when you build one from scratch, what are the rules for putting it together?
First, you could start here for a set of PDFs but to speed things along, here are the basic config rules:
- You need at least one CPU/Memory Board (in Slot 0) and one I/O Board (in Slot 1).
- For optimal performance, use 100MHz boards across the system.
- Install CPU/Memory+ boards at the front of the system, starting with the top slot (slot 0). If you reserve the rear slots for I/O+ boards, I/O cable attachments will be made easier.
- If you fill the front slots, you may use the rear slots but place the CPU/Memory+ cards below the I/O Boards.
- An I/O+ Board must be in slot 1 as this is the only way to access the internal SCSI devices (CD-ROM).
- Install I/O+ boards at the rear of the system to facilitate I/O cable attachments.
- If you fill the blank slots, you may use the front slots but place the I/O+ cards below the CPU/Memory+ cards.
- The on-board SCSI port must be terminated in slot 1 (only). This is used to connect to the media tray (i.e. CD-ROM).
- The E6500 supports a maximum of two disk boards which must be installed in slot 15 (first board) and slot 14 (second board). This overrides the CPU vs I/O instructions.
- The E5500 and E4500 support up to four disk boards (which presumably should be installed in the four lowest numbered slots).
Posted by Ozguru at 07:00 AM
August 08, 2005
Penguins
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 07, 2005
Not resident?
In 1971, a Pennsylvania attorney broght a lawsuit against the Devil. It was thrown out of court because the judge ruled that Satan was not a Pennsylvania resident.
[Via: Skipjack.info]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
August 06, 2005
Mathematicians are strange...
[Found over at Skipjack.info...]
A farmer asks an engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician to build him the largest possible pen out of a fixed amount of fencing.
Without giving it a second thought, the engineer builds the farmer a large, circular pen.
After a moment’s consideration, the physicist builds a long straight piece of fence, and says, “We can consider the length of the fence to be infinite,” pointing out that fencing off half the globe would be a more efficient solution.
The mathematician laughs gently at both of them, builds a tiny pen around himself, and says “I declare myself to be on the outside.”
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
August 05, 2005
Poetry
Old Horsetail Snake has taken to poetry - I don't know if this is another of his money raising schemes but as here was no mention of his bestest buddy (Billy the Gate), I am guessing it was just the inspiration of an arctic moose artistic muse. He starts out explaining about rhymes and rhythm but towards the end he seems to run into the same problem as the young Japanese man of limerick fame*:
There is only one kind of poetry that really ought to be pandered to. That's the kind that has a message, sort of like a Sunday sermon. Here's what I mean:
"Time and tide wait for no man, and then kick ass, man."
"One fish, two fish, three fish, go fish,
"Be real careful when you're trimmin' blowfish."
"You ought to eat an apple a day,
"Unless you're really interested in buyin' your doctor another goddam Cadillac, and that ain't hay."
Go and read the rest of the article and then browse some of the other stuff on the blog. You will walk away feeling lighter in the heart and less stressed about the day - all that and it is free as well....
[* There was a young man from Japan,
Whose limericks never would scan,
Whenever asked why,
He replied with a sigh,
Because I always try to cram as many words in the last line as I possibly can.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
Copying Disk Layouts (Solaris)
A couple of weeks back I posted about Insufficient metadevice database replicas - a problem that can happen on Sun servers. In that post, I mentioned a way of copy the partition maps from one disk to another.
A kind reader named Oscar pointed out a better way of doing it:
Your whole copy disk VTOC example via "format" can be replaced with a single line command:-
# prtvtoc /dev/dsk/c0t0d0s2 | fmthard -s - /dev/rdsk/c5t0d0s2
the above example copies the VTOC from disk c0t0d0 to disk c5t0d0
Unfortunately Oscar did not leave an web address that I could link but I have sent him an email to thank him. When I first read the post, I said to myself: "Ah yes, but those commands were only introduced in recent editions of Solaris". I was wrong. Very wrong. Looks like both prtvtoc(1M) and fmthard(1M) were in Solaris 2.4 (and may have existed earlier although I couldn't find them in the SunOS -> Solaris transition commands.
So thank you Oscar. I am always glad to learn a better way to do something...
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
August 04, 2005
Terror Alert Levels
The newswires have reported that the French Government has announced that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's White Flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
The Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose".
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from "isolationism" to "find somewhere else in the Middle East ripe for regime change". Their remaining higher alert states are "take on the world" and "ask the British for help".
Finally in Great Britain they've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of tea". Their higher levels are "remain resolutely cheerful" and "win".
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Multiple windows in iChat
Q: I was chatting with friend A and friend B in different windows and decided to open a three way chat as well. I kept dropping out of the chats with some error about using "the other window"...
A. The advice for this problem corresponds to the fellow who told his doctor "It hurts when I do this". The doctor replied "Well, don't do that." :-)
You can, if you persevere long enough, get both windows to tell you this at the same time. The problem is that you can't chat in parallel (two or more windows) to the same person. Or at least not for very long. As this didn't use to be a problem (effectively having a private chat on the side during a group talk), I have to assume it was something that happened in Tiger - possibly as part of the bandwidth saving procedures introduce to allow multiple video chat sessions.
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
August 03, 2005
Parking Tickets
The world's 1st parking tickets were given out in Nineveh (now Iraq) over 2,000 years ago to people who parked their chariots on the king's road. the fine? Death by impalement.
There are times that I think that the old punishments should be brought back. :-)
[Found at Skipjack DOT Info...]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
TechTip: Crontab
Q: Help! I am trying to edit the cron file for sys and I used "crontab -e sys" and the system just gave back an error number and then hung.
A. Nope. Actually it didn't. What you are seeing is a bit of archaeological history:
# crontab -e sys
305
You are talking to ed - not the horse, the original editor - the one that came before vi. Simply type the letter 'q':
# crontab -e sys
305
q
The crontab file was not changed.
#
To use vi (or some other editor), you need to set the EDITOR environment variable (on older systems, you can set the VISUAL variable):
# EDITOR=/usr/bin/vi
# export EDITOR
Now, running crontab will get you into vi (or whatever you specified). Note that the same variable will also fix a number of other programs (like sudo) so you may want to add it to your .profile (or equivalent).
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (2)
August 02, 2005
Lesser Primate Committee Thinking Experiment
I found this absolute gem (along with a few other rib ticklers) at Mad Elaine's Pages...
Start with a cage containing five apes.
In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana, but as soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result-all the apes are sprayed with cold water. Turn off the cold water. If, later, another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.
Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The New ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a New one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous Newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape. After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs.
Why not? "Because that's the way it's always been around here."
Sound familiar?
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Ultra 5 vs Ultra 10
Q: When I run some programs, that identify my computer as an Ultra5/10. What is the difference between an Ultra 5 and an Ultra 10?
A: The case. One lies flat on the desk, the other stands upright. The motherboards are identical but the shape of the case limits the use of certain configurations. The Ultra 5 cannot be used with a high end graphics card, and one PCI slot is obscured. You can see the full hardware manual for the Ultra 10 online.
To further complicate things, Sun did not sell all configurations of CPU and memory in both boxes. This attempt to clarify matters (i.e. if you get a 440MHz machine it must be an Ultra 10) did not work as it was fairly trivial to either swap motherboards around or use Ultra 10 upgrade kits in an Ultra 5 (and vice versa).
Both the Ultra 5 and the Ultra 10 can run Solaris 10 but the are constrained in performance by the internal IDE disk controller and very very very slow disks (5400 rpm).
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
August 01, 2005
Farewell Bob
Today saw the end of an era. The premier stepped down from his role and his position in parliament. Given that he will now be seeking alternative employment, I though it might help to get him a resume from Dilbert's Performance Review Generator:
FROM THE DESK OF THE EVIL HUMAN RESOURCES DIRECTOR:
Performance Appraisal for Mr. Carr:
He works behind the scenes and any division would be lucky to get him to work for them. Mr. Carr sets a compelling example for the younger employees. Mr. Carr fully understands the extent of his responsibilities. Mr. Carr knows the value of office equipment. No one has caught Mr. Carr sleeping on the job.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM