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January 31, 2006
Collecting Donations
[Found at Read My Lips...]"A tired homemaker opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, 'I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what you can.' 'To be sure,' said the beleaguered woman, 'I'll give you two boys, two girls, or one of each.'"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
Deep Sleep (Safe Sleep)
[Found at How to Safe Sleep (Hibernate) Your Mac - AndrewEscobar.com...]
Up until recently, Mac users didn’t have a similar Sleep mode which required no power. When Apple announced new PowerBooks in October 2005, it also introduced Safe Sleep to Mac OS X, an extention to Sleep mode that allows for hibernation without power.
It turns out that you can also do this on older PowerBooks:
Safe Sleep is so-far only officially available on the new PowerBooks. But Safe Sleep is very much software based , not hardware based. With Apple’s release of Mac OS 10.4.3, Safe Sleep can be enabled on many Macs thanks to an excellent hack. To enable Safe Sleep you must be running Mac OS X Tiger, and be up-to-date to with version 10.4.3 (or above). Reportedly working laptops include (but not necessarily limited to) iBook G4s, Aluminum PowerBook G4s. You may also try Safe Sleep on desktops. For a much more technical look into enabling it, visit the source information on the hack.
For a quick guide, read the rest of the article at AndrewEsobar.com.
[I have not yet tried this but I am planning to once my new employer has provided me with a desktop Mac and I can afford to rebuild my PowerBook if it goes wrong...]
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (1)
January 30, 2006
A bartender is...
... just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 29, 2006
丙戌年
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM
Wise words
[Found at Tan Lucy Pez...]
The rest of your life:
· No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
· What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
· Nothing is impossible for the one who doesn't have to do it himself.
· If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
· If you throw anything away, you will need it as soon as the trash is collected.
· If you file it, you will know where it is, but you will never need it.
· If you don't file it, you'll need it, but you will never know where it is.
· The quickest way to find something is to be looking for something else.
· There's no time like the present for postponing what you don't want to do.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 28, 2006
Early Warning
[Send via email from CynicalCyn....]
Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died
Lesson to be learned: The next time Charles gets married, someone should definitely warn the Pope Aussie Cricket Team.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (8)
Use Google Maps with People widget
[Found at Macworld: Use Google Maps with People widget...]
In late December, [MacWorld] described how to use Google Maps with the Address Book widget. Then a few weeks later, Apple goes off and introduces the People widget, which looks up people you enter via an internet White Pages search. (The People widget is part of the OS X 10.4.4 update.) After looking up a person, you can click on their address to be taken to a map showing where he or she lives. I was hoping Apple would use Google’s Maps out of the box, but no such luck—this widget, too, relies on MapQuest.However, it didn’t take the Macosxhints.com community very long to come up with a fix. Reader Maxwell Bates sent in a solution less than a week later. So if you’d prefer to use Google’s classy maps with the new People widget, here’s what you need to do. Note that you will not need to use the Terminal for this hint at all. If you’re comfortable using TextEdit, you’ve got the required skills.
Check out the article for the exact steps. I have tried it and it works except that (of course) it is useless for addresses outside the US and Canada.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
January 27, 2006
Fast thinking
[Found at Read My Lips...]
"A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, 'Business trip or pleasure?'
She turned, smiled and said, 'Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Chicago.'
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, 'What's your business role at this convention?' 'Lecturer,' she responded. 'I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.'
'Really?' he said. 'And what kind of myths are there?'
Well, she explained, 'one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.'
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. 'I'm sorry,' she said, 'I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name.'
'Tonto,' the man said, 'Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.'"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
Burn Folder Size
[Found at Macworld...]
View size requirements for burn folders
Thanks to the Finder’s new Burn Folder feature (File: New Burn Folder), burning files to a CD is easier than ever. Just drag the files you want to burn into a burn folder, insert your CD-R, and click on the Burn button. The Finder fills the burn folder with aliases, rather than the original files. So once the burn is complete, you can trash the burn folder without losing your work. Unfortunately, the Finder’s size display for Burn Folders is incorrect—it shows the size of the alias files, not the originals. So how do you find out how much disc space your files will require?
The quickest way is to click on the Burn button before inserting any recordable media. The Finder will display a dialog box listing the amount of disc space the files require.
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 26, 2006
What did you do on Australia Day?
I have no idea why we still celebrate the 26th of January as Australia Day. Australia became a nation on the 1st of January 2001 1901 (thanks for the correction). The only thing that happened on 26th of January is that the first fleet landed for the second* time and stuck a flag in the ground....
Still it is a public holiday in thye middle of summer, so we should probably all go down to the beach...
[* The first fleet landed in Botany Bay on the 20th of January but didn't like it. They relocated to Sydney Harbour on the 26th of January. See Wikipedia for more details.]
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (2)
Memory
An older couple decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen" he replies. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. You'd better write it down because you know you'll forget it."
He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so you'd better write it down" she retorts.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it. Leave me alone. Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream I got it, for goodness sake." Then he grumbles into the kitchen.
After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says - "Where's my toast?"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Agenda font problems
Q: I have a powerpoint presentation which looks terrible when I print it on my colour laser printer...
A: To be complete surprise, I found the answer for this really quickly (after confirming that the user had a Lexmark printer....
[Found at Macworld: Review: Lexmark C522n...]
The printer did have trouble printing a PowerPoint document containing some PostScript Type 1 fonts—a family named Agenda—substituting them with other fonts that made a mess of the presentation. Lexmark tech support recommended a workaround: instead of using the Lexmark driver, they suggested going back to the Apple Printer Setup Utility, adding the printer again, but this time using the Generic PostScript Printer driver that appears in the Print Using drop-down menu. After I did this, the problem font printed just fine. To see if this was an isolated problem, I tried another 30 fonts, a mix of standard Mac OS X fonts as well as a bunch of Type 1 fonts. All of those printed just fine using Lexmark’s driver, so this problem may be limited to the Agenda type family.
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (1)
January 25, 2006
Computer Daffynitions
[Found at Tan Lucy Pez...]
Your computer life:
· Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
· Hardware: the parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
· Software: the parts of a computer system that don't work.
· Hard disk: the part of a computer system that freezes up at the worst possible time.
· Peripherals: the parts that are incompatible with your PC system.
· Printer: the part of the computer system that jams when you're not looking.
· Cable: the part of the computer system that is too short.
· Mouse: see cursing.
· Backup: an operation that is never performed on time.
· Restore: a procedure that works perfectly until needed.
· Memory: the part of a computer system that is insufficient.
· Error message: a request to OK the destruction of your own data.
· File: the part of the computer system that cannot be located.
· Processor: the part of a computer system that is obsolete.
· Manual: the element of your computer system that is incomprehensible.
· Typos are not noticed until after the "send" key has been hit.
Posted by Ozguru at 12:00 PM
Firewall Stealth Mode
[Found at Macworld...]
Hide your Mac from hackers If you use an always-on Internet connection, make sure to check out Tiger’s new hacker-fighting tools. Go to the Sharing preference pane and click on the Firewall tab to see the new Advanced button. Click on it to access options such as Stealth Mode. With Stealth Mode enabled, uninvited queries to your computer will receive no acknowledgement, making it nearly impossible for someone to surreptitiously discover (and possibly hack into) your Mac.
While on that screen, you may also want to turn on firewall logging :-)
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (1)
January 24, 2006
Lawyers IV
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his heiney.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down. After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out." But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina. "What did he say?" asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, Gringo. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
For years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap "Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name." "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talking and talking, and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 23, 2006
Lawyers III
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
Q: It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
A: ......I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 22, 2006
Lawyers II
Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Q: Lawyer's creed:
A: A man is innocent until proven broke.
Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 21, 2006
Lawyers I
[With apologies to the nice lawyers out there... however few there may be :-)]
Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.
Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 20, 2006
Beer vs Cucumbers
We've heard all the reasons why "Beer is Better than Women", and why "Cucumbers are Better than Men". Its about time we had ... BEER vs. CUCUMBERS!
Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers
- You can't get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat.
- Beer bottles don't get sprayed with pesticides
- Beer bottles don't shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month.
- Beer is always in season.
- Beer removes unsightly flab and wrinkles (on the person you're looking at, if you drink enough of it :-)
- Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't work.
Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Beer
- Cucumbers won't give you a hangover.
- Cucumbers have fewer calories.
- Your wife won't complain about you sitting around all day watching TV and eating cucumbers.
- You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment.
- Your wife won't complain that your breath stinks of cucumbers.
- You can eat as many cucumbers as you like, and drive home later.
- You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.
- Having your face slashed with a cucumber doesn't hurt (much).
- You can eat the whole cucumber, skin 'n' all.
- A cucumber won't shatter if you drop it on the ground.
- You can shake up a cucumber, and it won't explode when you bite it.
- You don't have to worry about getting cucumber stains on your clothes.
The cucumbers seem to take it on numbers. So why do people seem to prefer beer?
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (3)
January 19, 2006
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest...
... will it make a sound?
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Virtual PC vs IntelMac?
[Found at MacMinute...]
Microsoft on Virtual PC for Intel-based Macs January 18, 2006 - 15:44 EST Microsoft has issued a statement on the development status of Virtual PC for Intel-based Macs."The Mac BU recognizes the need for the product and believes it is the best virtualization solution for PowerPC users, so it is committed to providing Virtual PC to new and existing PowerPC customers. However, Microsoft is still discussing with Apple the feasibility of bringing Virtual PC for Mac to Intel-based Macs in the future and has not made any announcements about if/how the product might work on the new machines."
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 18, 2006
Latin Humour
[From A.E.Brain... ]
Ne auderis delere orbem rigidum meum!
In other words, "Don't you dare erase my hard disk!"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
Perfect Spider Score
Q: I have been playing Spider (Solitaire) on my Sun box but I can never get the maximum score (1000 points). The best I have got is around 990.
A: The trick is not to collapse any piles to the stacks at the top. See the picture for a 1000 point game:
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 17, 2006
The last line of defence
[Sent via email....]
Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs, to be and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.
Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere.
It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs."
Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars, to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship."
It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage."
Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.
If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.
For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
The more things change...
Despite the fact that Windows Vista was rewritten from scratch (to get rid of legacy code) some of the legacy code is causing problems :-) In fact, Microsoft Ships First Vista Security Patches:
Microsoft Corp. has shipped the first critical security update for Windows Vista, the next version of its flagship operating system.
Over the weekend, the company released patches for beta testers running the Windows Vista December CTP (Community Technology Preview) and Windows Vista Beta 1, and warned that the new operating system was vulnerable to a remote code execution flaw in the Graphics Rendering Engine.
A Microsoft spokesperson told eWEEK that the Vista patches address the same vulnerability that led to the WMF (Windows Metafile) malware attacks earlier this month.
Well it looks like Windows
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 16, 2006
Using the stairs
[Found at Read My Lips...]"Teddy came bounding down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. 'Teddy,' he called, 'How many times have I told you to come down those stairs quietly? Now, you just take yourself back upstairs and try to come down like a civilized being!' Teddy tromped back up the stairs, much to his father chagrin, but reappeared in the living room following a few minutes of silence.
'Much better,' his father quipped. 'In the future, please always come down the stairs exactly like that.'
'No problem, Pops,' the kid snapped back. 'I really enjoyed sliding down the banister.'"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
The Singing Mac
A pointer at NonStop Mac: 5 ways to use the Terminal in OS X, from useful to just fun served as a reminder that your Mac can sing. Try the following code snippet in a terminal* window:
osascript -e 'say "Did you know your mack can sing \
just like me I can sing do you like to hear me sing \
cause I sing just for you?" using "Cellos"'
Of course you have to choose the words carefully (to match the voice timing)...
[* If anyone out there is Mac-less but wants to hear this, I can send you a recording of it :-)]
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 15, 2006
The Cursed Diamond
[Found at Read My Lips...]"A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.
'This is the Klopman diamond,' she said. 'It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.'
'What's the curse?' the man asked.
'Mr. Klopman.'"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 14, 2006
Last Requests
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father..."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down that gun...'"
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 13, 2006
Brilliant Blonde Joke
[Found at Kazza the Blank One...]
Brilliant Blonde Joke
Is here
Love it, awesome, thanks Dennis :)
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (5)
Hidden Stickies
Q: I had some stickies on my desktop. I opened a game and afterwards the stickies are all off the edge of the screen somewhere...
A: Yup. Easily fixed. Quit stickies and relaunch it. Any individual stickies that were off-screen will be relocated on-screen. No data will be lost because stickies keep all their text when they are created (you do not need to choose to save them).
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 12, 2006
Geeky Joke In Apple's Share Price
[Found at Techdirt...]
Unless you're the sort of person who immediately recognized why the folks at Google originally sought to raise $2,718,281,828 in its IPO, you might want to just pass over this story. A reporter at News.com noticed an extremely unintentional inside joke with Apple's closing share price today. On the very day the company officially announced its first Intel-based product, Apple's stock price closed at $80.86. If you don't get it, it's time to read up on your computer history. No, there is no way at all that this was intentional. However, that doesn't make it any less amusing.
[Link was via Daring Fireball.]
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (2)
Wear Your Headphones...
Is that a joystick in your pocket? Well it could be if you were wearing the new iPod Levis. Apart from a suspicious feeling that this is really a prank, I have this nagging question about how you wash the jeans when they have electronics in them.
On the practical side, if you see someone fiddling in their pocket, check if they are wearing the distinctive iPod headphones before assuming that you should call the cops...
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 11, 2006
Baby languages...
I came across this some time ago and it stuck in my memory so I dug it out again...
[Found at Tan Lucy Pez...]
"I know I'm bored because my matchstick model of the Eiffel Tower is approaching life size. So I started thinking about life. There are not many universal truths in life, but I think that one is no matter how hard you try, you can't run away from your knees. Another is if you rummage in an overgrown garden long enough you will always turn up an old ball. Why is that? And have you noticed? No matter what part of the world they're from, all babies cry in English."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
Are you buying a MacBook Pro?
[Update: There are some more considerations about future models at tech ronin...]
I have been asked this question four times already this morning....
The short answer is 'No'.
The long answer is complicated but there are four considerations:
1. I like my systems to last at *least* three years and my PowerBook is 2004 model so it is not due for replacement until 2007 at the earliest.
2. I don't like to buy the *first* of a new form factor. There are usually teething problems that are sorted out by the second iteration.
3. Performance. Yes, I know Stevie claims 4-5x the performance of a PowerBook G4. Maybe (YMMV*). That ain't gunna be as fast as people think (see comments below).
4. No firewire 800 bothers me. I use that to dump my PowerBook to external storage and I *know* that FW800 is faster than FW400 for what I do. Maybe the second iteration will bring back the FW800 port.
Performance: The man (and woman) in the street (apart from risking instant death from a speeding motorist) has been led to believe that the move to Intel is to gain performance - despite all the years of explaining the MHz myth, consumers still fall for the more MHz = more performance. Consider the current PowerPC family - the G5. Top of the line is dual-core, multiprocessor boxes. The mythical-person-in-the-street is expecting to pull these out, wack in some Intel procs and the whole thing will run faster.... Ain't gunna happen. At least not straight away. There is a lot of tuning to be done in the background first - remember MacOS X beta and the performance tuning that had to be done?
Now the claimed performance gain is 4-5x the previous system model - the G4. Note that G4 -> G5 is one performance upgrade, G5 -> dual core is another performance upgrade. So a dual core G5 powerbook (which cannot be done due to heat) would be 3-4x faster than a G4 powerbook. In other words there is no significant gain switching from G5 to Intel - yet**. That means the best target market for the Intel powered systems would be to the consumers who can't use G5s (i.e. powerbook users).
Yes, the new MacBook Pro will appear to be faster than your PowerBook G4 but it will not appear faster than your dual-core, dual-proc G5 tower and that suggests there is still a lot of hard work to be done behind the scenes...
[* Your Mileage May Vary ...]
[** Remember that successive versions of MacOS X got *faster* on the same hardware. This will also happen with the Intel machines]
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (1)
January 10, 2006
9 Types of Users: Princess
Princess (unfair, perhaps, as these tend, overwhelmingly, to be males): "I need a Mac, and someone's got the one I like reserved, would you please garrote him and put him in the paper recycling bin?"
Advantages: Flatters you with their high standards for your service.
Disadvantages: Impresses you with their obliviousness to other people on this planet.
Symptoms: Inability to communicate except by complaining.
Real Case: One asked a sysadmin to remove the message of the day because he (the user) didn't like it.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
January 09, 2006
9 Types of Users: Maestro
Maestro: "Well, first I sat down, like this. Then I logged on, like this, and after that, I typed in my password, like this, and after that I edited my file, like this, and after that I went to this line here, like this, and after that I picked my nose, like this. . ."
Advantages: Willing to show you exactly what they did to get an error.
Disadvantages: For as long as five or six hours.
Symptoms: Selective deafness to the phrases, "Right, right, okay, but what was the ERROR?", and a strong fondness for the phrase, "Well, I'm getting to that."
Real Case: I once had to spend half an hour looking over a user's shoulder while they continuously retrieved a document into itself and denied that they did it (the user was complaining that their document was 87 copies of the same thing).
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 08, 2006
9 Types of Users: Taskmaster
Taskmaster: "Well, this is a file in MacWrite. Do you know how I can upload it to MUSIC, transfer it over to UNIX from there, download it onto an IBM, convert it to WordPerfect, and put it in three-column format?"
Advantages: Bold new challanges.
Disadvantages: Makes one wish to be a garbage collector.
Symptoms: An inability to keep quiet. Strong tendencies to make machines do things they don't want to do.
Real Case: One user tried to get a support person to find out what another person's E-mail address was even though the user didn't know his target's home system, account name, or real name.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 07, 2006
9 Types of Users: Miracle Worker
Miracle Worker: "But it read a file from it yesterday!" 'Sir, at a guess, this disk has been swollowed and regurgitated.' "But I did that a month ago, and it read a file from it yesterday!"
Advantages: Apparently has remarkable luck when you aren't around.
Disadvantages: People complain when support folks actually use the word 'horse-puckey'.
Symptoms: Loses all ability to do impossible when you're around. Must be the kryptonite in your pocket.
Real Case: At least three users have claimed that they've loaded IBM WordPerfect from Macintosh disks.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Cisco VPN
Q: I installed the new Cisco VPN client and it doesn't seem to work...
A: You could try rebooting :-)
Or you could try unloading and reloading the relevant kernel module (you type the bits in italics):
ozguru$ sudo kextunload /System/Library/Extensions/CiscoVPN.kext
Password:
kextunload: unload kext /System/Library/Extensions/CiscoVPN.kext succeeded
ozguru$ sudo kextload /System/Library/Extensions/CiscoVPN.kext
kextload: /System/Library/Extensions/CiscoVPN.kext loaded successfully
Special thanks to MH for that solution :-)
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 06, 2006
9 Types of Users: X-user
X-user: "Will you look at those. . .um, that resolution, quite impressive, really."
Advantages: Using the cutting-edge in graphics technology.
Disadvantages: Has little or no idea how to use the cutting-edge in graphics technology.
Symptoms: Fuzzy hands, blindness
Real Case: When I was off duty, two users sat down in front of me at DEC station 5000/200s that systems was reconfiguring. I suppressed my laughter while, for twenty minutes, they sat down and did their best to act like they were doing exectly what they wanted to do, even though they couldn't log in.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
TechTip: Battle for Wesnoth (Cheat)
Q: I am playing Battle for Wesnoth on my Linux/Mac/Windblows (delete as appropriate) box and my character keeps getting killed.
A: Use the villages and/or healers.
Q: But isn't there a cheat or something?
A: Well .... yes.
Q: What is it?
A: Select a character and make sure the cursor stays over the character. Put the game into debug mode:
:debug[enter]
Now change the characters hitpoints and/or experience:
:unit hitpoints=1000[enter]
:unit experience=250[enter]
The first (hitpoints) is fairly safe, the second is risky if the character then gets upgraded to something that does not exist (this happens in a few of the optional downloads).
Note that with debug turned on, you can also create characters at will, anywhere on the map. You also get some debugging info cluttering up the top left hand corner of the screen which is inevitably where the baddies hang out...
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (1)
January 05, 2006
9 Types of Users: Shaman
Shaman: "Last week, when the moon was full, the clouds were thick, and formahaut was above the horizon, I typed f77, and lo, it did compile."
Advantages: Gives insight into primative mythology.
Disadvantages: Few support people are anthropology majors.
Symptoms: Frequent questions about irrelevant objects.
Real Case: One user complained that all information on one of their disks got erased (as Norton Utilities showed nothing but empty sectors, I suspect nothing had ever been on it). Reasoning that the deleted information went somewhere, they wouldn't shut up until the help-desk attendant checked four different disks for the missing information.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Finder labels
I happen to use LabelsX but even without it, it can be handy to use labels in the Finder. The problem is that often the labels need to be applied regularly to be useful. In my case, I like to tag work-related documents as to their recency and type - that makes it easy to find the right file in small dialogue boxes.
In keep a whole bunch of documents in a single folder tree. I want to see current (< 30 days since last changed), archival (no longer current), links (where the file is not locally stored) and Microsoft Office backup files (because I can delete them). To do all this, I have a shell script that runs once a day. It is not very efficient because it runs multiple finds over the same directory...
#!/bin/sh
function findfile()
{
find . \\( -name \"200[56]*\" \\
-or -name \"Backup*\" \\
-or -name \"*.doc\" -or \\
-name \"*.xls\" \\) \\( -type f \\
-or -type d \\) $2 -exec osascript \\
-e \"$SCRIPT $1^M end tell\" \\; 2>&1 >/dev/null
}
DIR=/path/to/directory
SCRIPT=\"tell application \\\"Finder\\\"
set fileName to posix file \\\"$DIR/{}\\\" as file
set the label index of item fileName to \"
cd $DIR
# Set all documents to \'Red\'
findfile 2
# Change backup documents to \'Purple\'
findfile 3 \"-regex .*/B.*\"
# Change older documents to \'Blue\'
findfile 5 \"-mtime +30\"
# Change empty (link) documents to \'Green\'
findfile 6 \"-empty\"
Note that the script is partially in the $SCRIPT variable and partly in the shell function. Next week we will convert this into a perl script and make it faster (and more efficient)....
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM | Comments (2)
January 04, 2006
9 Types of Users: Frying Pan/Fire Tactician
Frying Pan/Fire Tactician: "It didn't work with the data set we had, so I fed in my aunt's recipe for key lime pie."
Advantages: Will usually fix error.
Disadvantages: 'Fix' is defined VERY loosely here.
Symptoms: A tendency to delete lines that get errors instead of fixing them.
Real Case: One user complained that their program executed, but didn't do anything. The support person looked at it for twenty minutes before realizing that they'd commented out EVERY LINE. The user said, "Well, that was the only way I could get it to compile."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
osascript vs posix paths
A: Yup. Me too. I looked at your script and tried a few ideas. I did a bit of digging around and found a post at Mac Geekery and this forum post (Cube Owners) which gave me some pointers.
What appears to happen is that AppleScript is able to convert a Posix file path (slash separated) into a colon separated path (as used by the Finder) but it falls over in a screaming heap with directories.
The work around is to explicitly convert the path like this:
tell application \"Finder\"
set fileName to posix file \"some file or directory\" as file
set the label index of item fileName to 2
end tell
That will set the file label OR the directory label to 2 (Red). Tomorrow I will provide a shell script to do some auto-labelling of files.
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 03, 2006
9 Types of Users: Mad Bomber
Mad Bomber: "Well, I hit ALT-f6, shift-f8, CNTRL-f10, f4, and f9, and now it looks all weird."
Advantages: Will try to find own solution to problems.
Disadvantages: User might have translated document to Navajo without meaning to.
Symptoms: More than six stopped jobs in UNIX, a 2:1 code-to-letter ratio in WordPerfect
Real Case: One user came in complaining that his WordPerfect document was underlined. When I used reveal codes on it, I found that he'd set and unset underline more than fifty times in his document.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM | Comments (3)
Forking
Q: I am writing some code that uses fork() and the output of the parent and child is getting mixed up.
A: This is to be expected given that the fork()ed process shares the standard out (stdout) and standard error (stderr) of the parent process. To get around this, the child could open some other file handle or you could make the parent wait until the child is dead. In the example code below, the first five parent messages should appear mixed with the child messages but the last five will appear *after* the child has finished. The magic bit is the waitpid() call.
Of course I have to mention the obligatory definition: Unix is where parents fork children and wait for them to die :-)
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
#include <sys/types.h>
#include <sys/wait.h>
int main()
{
int pid, i ;
pid = fork() ;
if (pid == 0)
{
/* This is the child process */
for (i = 1; i <= 10; i++)
{
fprintf(stderr, "Child message #%d\n", i) ;
sleep(1) ;
}
}
else if (pid < 0)
{
/* Fork failed */
fprintf(stderr, "Fork failed\n") ;
exit(-1) ;
}
else
{
/* This is the parent process */
int *status ;
for (i = 1; i <= 5; i++)
{
fprintf(stderr, "Parent message #%d\n", i) ;
sleep(1) ;
}
waitpid(pid, status, 0) ;
for (i = 6; i <= 10; i++)
{
fprintf(stderr, "Parent message #%d\n", i) ;
sleep(1) ;
}
}
exit(0) ;
}
If you are having trouble following the code, let me know via email and I'll will walk through it...
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM
January 02, 2006
9 Types of Users: El Explicito
If you have ever worked in support, you would know that there are nine basic types of users. Over the next few days, we will look at each type and the advantages and disadvantages that apply...
El Explicito: "I tried the thing, ya know, and it worked, ya know, but now it doesn't, ya know?"
Advantages: Provides interesting communication challanges.
Disadvantages: So do chimps.
Symptoms: Complete inability to use proper nouns
Real Case: One (female) user walked up to a certain American manager and said, "I can't get what I want!" The manager leaned back, put his hands on his belt-buckle, and said, "Well, ma'am, you've come to the right place."
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
January 01, 2006
About this Blog (Updated)
[If you guessed 'Peskie' and 'Ozguru' then you were spot on the money....]
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 PM | Comments (4)
Women...
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Posted by Peskie at 12:00 PM
Happy Hogmanay
Posted by Ozguru at 06:00 AM