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April 02, 2003

Advice for Men

[Via email from Theepan who is single (and likely to remain that way with this set of jokes)]

Every man should get married some time;
after all, happiness is not the only thing in

Bachelors should be heavily taxed.
It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
--Oscar Wild

I don't worry about terrorism.
I was married for two years.
--Sam Kinison

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Men have a better time than women;
for one thing, they marry later;
for another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken

"A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle."
-- U2

Marriage is a three ring circus:
- engagement ring
- wedding ring
- suffering

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street he yelled, "No, jump in!"

BaddTeddy recently explained to me why he refuses to ever get married.
He says "the wedding rings look too much like minature handcuffs....."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Posted by Peskie at April 2, 2003 12:00 PM