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April 25, 2003

Don't Say It!

Things we all would like to say at work, but can't.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message..
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Posted by Peskie at April 25, 2003 12:00 PM


*Snort* I actually used a few of those at the office...

Posted by: Paul Jan at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM

#10 should be made into a T-shirt for all who have to deal with computer systems programmers.

Posted by: Alan K. Henderson at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM

These are in my rotating e-mail signature file :)

Posted by: Raena at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM

Nope, I can't say these either - but I am going to get a print copy up in my office!

Posted by: The Gray Monk at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM

Jon has a list of things that we'd all like to say at work, but can't over at his place...

Posted by: Paul Jan at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM

Since I fucked off today (I had to take J, my partner, to the airport, had a midterm, and masturbated at least 6 times) and didn't blog at all (except over at BoiFromTroy where I'm guest blogging while BFT is exploring the gyms of the world.


Posted by: Mental Masturbation at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM

Saturday this and that
Found another interesting blog today, with some help from MommaBear at On the third hand. This one is called Sketches of Strain and is the home page of David - who also reads Tarot cards. His brother has just started...

Posted by: The Gray Monk at March 19, 2004 07:03 AM