« Heavenly Cat | Main | Learning Languages »

May 03, 2003

Finance Terms

CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer
MBA = Master of Bogus Accounting
BULL MARKET = A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET = An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewellery, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING = The art of buying low, and selling lower.
P/E RATIO = The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.
BROKER = What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR = My life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST = Idiot who just downgraded my stock.
STOCK SPLIT = When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.
FINANCIAL PLANNER = A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION = What happens the day after I buy stocks.
CASH FLOW = The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR = Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT= an archaic word, no longer in use.

Posted by Peskie at May 3, 2003 12:00 PM