« Private Grief | Main | Rabbits »

March 19, 2004

Legal Responses

Supposedly things people have said in court
- What is your date of birth?
- July fifteenth.
- What year?
- Every year.

- What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
- Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

- This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
- Yes.
- And in what ways does it affect your memory?
- I forget.
- You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

- All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
- Oral.

- How old is your son - the one living with you?
- Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
- How long has he lived with you?
- Forty-five years.

- What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
- He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
- And why did that upset you?
- My name is Susan.

- And where was the location of the accident?
- Approximately milepost 499.
- And where is milepost 499?
- Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

- Sir, what is your IQ?
- Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

- Did you blow your horn or anything?
- After the accident?
- Before the accident.
- Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

- Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult?
- We both do.
- Voodoo?
- We do.
- You do?
- Yes, voodoo.

- Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
- Yes.
- Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
- Yes, sir.
- What did she say?
- What disco am I at?

- Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

- The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

- Were you present when your picture was taken?

- Were you alone or by yourself?

- Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

- Did he kill you?

- How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

- You were there until the time you left, is that true?

- How many times have you committed suicide?

- So the date of conception [of the baby] was August 8th?
- Yes.
- And what were you doing at that time?

- She had three children, right?
- Yes.
- How many were boys?
- None.
- Were there any girls?

- You say the stairs went down to the basement?
- Yes.
- And these stairs, did they go up also?

- Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?
- I went to Europe, sir.
- And you took your new wife?

- How was your first marriage terminated?
- By death.
- And by whose death was it terminated?

- Can you describe the individual?
- He was about medium height and had a beard.
- Was this a male, or a female?

- Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
- No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

- Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
- All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

- Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
- The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
- And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
- No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

- You were not shot in the fracas?
- No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.

- Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
- I have been since early childhood.

- Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
- No.
- Did you check for blood pressure?
- No.
- Did you check for breathing?
- No.
- So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
- No.
- How can you be so sure, Doctor?
- Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
- But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
- It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Posted by Peskie at March 19, 2004 12:00 PM


Amazing. Laughed all the way through.
Here is my contribution.

Judge: And what is the charge?
Defendant: I was booked fro doing my shopping early.
Judge: That's bad. Is there any justice at all in this country. Ok, How early?
Defe: Before the shop opened your honour.

Posted by: Ravages at March 22, 2004 04:03 AM

BTW, WHat do you call a Funny Judge?


Court Jester

Posted by: Ravages at March 22, 2004 04:03 AM