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February 23, 2006

Chocolate Rules

[Found at Tan Lucy Pez...]

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Clearly, chocolate is a vegetable. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. A bean is a vegetable. Wait! There's more! Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. QED: chocolate is a vegetable.

Chocolate-covered raisins, -cherries, -orange slices and -strawberries all count as fruit. Eat as many as you want. Fruits are an important part of the Food Pyramid.

Hot tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less. I've tested this. It's true.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

Money talks. Chocolate sings.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, chocolate is therapeutic.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

I would like to add my own rules and observations to the above "rules."

Chocolate eaten while standing over the kitchen sink, doesn't count as calories.

Chocolate eaten between midnight at 4 AM has no calories.

Flowers wilt, jewelry tarnishes, and candles burn out ...BUT CHOCOLATE DOESN'T HANG AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO GET OLD. Still, a general rule of thumb is that most any food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. (Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this.)

When in doubt, and it's chocolate, go ahead and eat it.

Posted by Peskie at February 23, 2006 12:00 PM


Chocolate covered broccoli actually reduces caloric content.

Posted by: old horsetail snake at February 23, 2006 07:44 AM