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March 18, 2006

Health Rules

[Found at Tan Lucy Pez...]

I learned some health stuff today. Nothing really new. Just some reminders. Like I've always heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong your life. But it turns out it ain't necessarily so. Seems your heart is just good for so many beats, and that's it. Then it's done for. So don't waste your heartbeats on exercise. You'll just wear it out. It's like tryin' to extend the life of your car by driving it faster. If you want to live longer, just take a nap.
I always thought that I should cut down on meat, and eat more fruits and veggies. But I just didn't grasp logistical efficiencies. I mean, what does a cow eat? We know it's hay and corn. And hay and corn are vegetables. So beef is just a really efficient way of getting your vegetables. If you need more grain, eat chicken. I imagine that a pork chop might give you 100 percent of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. Pigs eat a bunch of slop. And slops just mostly old moldy veggies. It's okay, 'cause their digestive system cleans slop right up.
And all that ranting and raving about reducing your alcohol intake has been disproved too. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That just means that they take the water out of the fruity bit, so you get even more of the good fruit that way. Beer is made outta grain. Any fool can see that this is good-for-you stuff. I sees.
We shouldn't be worrying about candy either. Just make sure that it's chocolate. Chocolate is cocoa beans. Beans are another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! Right next to brandy and beer I guess.
I also learned that foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? So it's okay to eat French fries and such. In fact, it's probably essential.
I tried to learn about how to calculate my body/fat ratio. But my brain was too full. Couldn't hold another thing. I think what the teacher was saying went something like this: if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. Ify ou have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. Something like that.
I do know for sure that the lesson scared me straight on exercise! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should be doing sit-ups only if you want a bigger stomach. And something was said about whales. I think it was, "if swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me." Like that. Made sense to me. I'm a logical person.

Posted by Peskie at March 18, 2006 12:00 PM