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May 10, 2003

Qantas Faults

Another (enjoyable) urban legend (from Robert).

After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of paper on which the pilot completes the top part listing the problem, which the mechanics read & then respond to in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, so that pilot on plane's next flight can review the form before taking off.

Never let it be said that ground crew & engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints & responses with:
P = the problem logged by the pilot
S = the solution & action taken by the engineers

Qantas, by the way, is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident (touch wood)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield
S: Live bugs on back-order

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet/minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground

P: Evidence of leak on main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P: DME volume unbelievably loud
S: DME volume set to more believable level

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
S: That's what they're there for

P: IFF inoperative
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly straight & be serious

P: Target radar hums
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

P: Mouse in cockpit
S: Cat installed

Posted by Peskie at May 10, 2003 12:00 PM



I face some of the same problems in the s/w world too...when idiots say "unable to reproduce error" and close a bug, or "error verified" and then forget about it!!!


Posted by: jivha at June 18, 2003 12:06 PM

I think the worst response is the old IBM standby where they close your bug request with WAD (working as designed). On the other hand, I used to close some user problems with "Hardware Error: Nut loose on keyboard".

Posted by: Ozguru at June 18, 2003 12:06 PM