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June 19, 2003

If Men Ruled the World

I often hear feminists complaining that men control the world. Can you believe that? Seriously if men really controlled everything then:

- Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

- If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

- Birth control would come in ale or lager.

- You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

- Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL team of your choice.

- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

- "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

- It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.

- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

- Garbage would take itself out.

- Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

Posted by Peskie at June 19, 2003 12:00 PM


If Men Ruled The World
What he said. Representative sample: "It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town."...

Posted by: Mister Green at May 25, 2004 07:05 AM

Beer Biceps
If men ruled the world. (Found at Mister Green's.)...

Posted by: Jennifer's History and Stuff at May 25, 2004 07:05 AM