« Joke for the ladies... | Main | Shoe Salesman »

December 21, 2004

Office Messages

My employer has an official procedure for recording the messages on your phone and probably has one for email auto-reply as well. You, on the other hand, may be more fortunate and at this time of year, you might find some of these suggestions (from Theepan) useful. In fact the last one could be useful if you can change someone else's email auto-responder :-)

Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office" E-Mail Auto-Reply:

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending

again. [The beauty of it is that when I return, I can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.]

8. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.

10. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

11. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

12. I've run away to join a different circus.


13. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'.

Posted by Peskie at December 21, 2004 12:00 PM


I have taken a permanent vacation to improve the overall levels of customer satisfaction.

Posted by: Rofl at December 22, 2004 06:12 AM

By moving to New Zealand, I have raised the average IQ of both Australia and New Zealand.

Posted by: Rofl at December 22, 2004 06:12 AM