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January 28, 2004
Very Late Christmas Card
Just before Christmas I received an email Christmas card from a contact at Sun. The attachment didn't work and I let them know. "Probably just as well" was the unexpected response. Hmmm. Must be worth seeing hey?
Actually no it wasn't. A friend tracked it down and you can see it online and it is even more embarrassing that I imagined. The text of the poem is in the extended entry for the curious (but don't say I didn't warn you).
A Visit from St. McNealy
T’was the night before Christmas, when across the enterprise
Our systems stopped working! – I heard whimpers and cries
Windows ran backwards, our firewall was broke
From our IBM mainframe puffed a chimney of smoke
From servers to desktops, from routers to rack
Our IT guys scurried, led by SysAdmin Jack
At her workstation slumped Helen, cursing under her breath
As she stared in sheer horror at the Blue Screen of Death
All those last-minute shoppers had struck in a fervor
Our systems couldn’t scale, least of all SQL Server
We lost BackOffice, iSeries, and HP-UX
A million-dollar downtime. It’s all so complex
Our infrastructure was fragile, we learned that too well
Our OS from Microsoft, our servers from Dell
We used WebSphere for apps, Veritas for our storage
Cobbled together like fruitcake, as solid as porridge
Our network was global, from Lubbock to Laos
But nothing was working – not even my mouse
My screen spewed out errors that read like Swahili
When I heard Jack exclaim, “Hey – it’s Scott McNealy!”
I twirled in my chair, and what a wonder I eyed!
T’was the real McNealy – with Jonathan Schwartz at his side!
In an instant did he leap and tower like a giant
Up there – McNealy! – on our crippled ProLiant!
“We heard about your crisis we’ll lend you a hand
You need high availability – capacity on demand!
We’ve got infrastructure solutions, we’ll give you the fix
N1 for your data center – Solaris for x86!”
“Java Enterprise,” chimed Schwartz, “is software made simple
So your infrastructure is seamless – not even a dimple
Java Desktop will put you in productivity heaven
With Linux, Mozilla, and StarOffice 7.”
Of mobility and security did these gentlemen remark
Of grid computing and Sun Fires, a roadmap for SPARC
“Or if you DO like complexity, and taking on debt
Then run boxes from Dell, and for platform, .NET.”
McNealy had a Java Card that he waved like a wand
Saying, “Be gone! Good riddance! You curse of Redmond!
Now Netra! Now Solaris! Now J2EE!
On Sun Blade, on StorEdge – Network Identity!”
With a snap of his fingers, and a twinkle in his eyes
He served up solutions for our poor enterprise
As they got down to business – his elves from ProServ
I figured that McNealy might like an hors d’oeuvre
I motioned him towards our holiday buffet
Between the Dell with the duct tape, and the failed disk array
He gave me a grin and a hearty Ho! Ho!
And said, “Poor son of a gun – you’re the CIO!”
We’d be back up in no time, did McNealy decree
Once we were off BizTalk, and that flunky XP
And then he declared, between bites of baklava
Web services would be built on enterprise Java
And though he allowed that Windows might do in a pinch
He vouched that Bill Gates was really the Grinch
And ProServ, he said, can so outmaneuver
Those IBM guys with their money-sucking Hoover
“Lou Gerstner!” he scoffed, “he’s got nothing on me
What he puts in his pocket, we put in R&D!”
As for innovation and value in the infrastructure arena
He said he’s not seeing much from Carly Fiorina
The bean dip Scott liked, though he betrayed his surprise
That we didn’t use Java Beans, of the type Enterprise
He was talking about choice, like Linux/Opteron
When Jack trotted over: “Hey boss, we’re back on!”
As it so happened, t’was beneath the mistletoe
That Schwartz promised high ROI, and low TCO
As he waxed that we could integrate, and certainly scale
Helen beamed at the fellow with the smart ponytail
So she took a quick break from her brand new Sun Ray
To thank our savior Schwartz, and with a blush did she say:
“I hope you won’t mind a peck on the cheek
You’re awfully darn cute, for a programmer geek.”
From desktop to data center, we got an unbeatable price
So did St. McNealy leave us, with this final advice:
“May I also recommend, to leave nothing to chance
The Sun Infrastructure Solution for Disaster Tolerance.”
Our shoppers returned, and we raised a jaunty toast
To the solutions provider that delivers the most
As the ordeal did teach me, there’s just no disputing
The performance and value of Sun network computing
Posted by Ozguru at January 28, 2004 06:01 AM
