G'Day Mate MkII

Ask the hard ones first...

Following a comment left on the blog, I came across this blog. The theme of the blog is "Cogito, ergo doleo" and given my lack of latin I will have to trust the authors translation as "I think therefore I suffer" (of course the original is the misquoted and misunderstood phrase of Descartes - Cogito ergo sum).

Back to the topic at hand. The most recent posting (at least when I checked) was a question: "I wonder why it becomes so much tougher to make friends as we grow up? What changes?" Feel free to hop over there and suggest something. I tried to leave a comment but the character count limit defeated me :wink.

After reading the comments that others had posted, I sort of started thinking about it. Really as we get older we do tend to "fossilize" (or should I say - you do but not me :wink). We tend to get more set in our likes and dislikes and less likely to try something new. If you work in IT, you collegues will tend to be very similar in many ways which only amplifies the process.

Maybe the best way around the problem is to force yourself to be involved in something that will mean interaction with people unlike yourself. That is not an easy thing to do but could be rewarding. One possibility is to join a church (or some other religious group). The only thing you will have in common will be the religious affiliation but the others that you meet on a regular basis will be unlike yourself in many ways. You may (assuming the group is active) end up meeting people and spending time with them who previously would never have appeared on your radar.

With my son starting school, we have tried to get involved in the affiliated church and we get to meet not only other parents (who all seem to be a lot younger than us) but also other parishioners (who all seem to be a lot older than us).

This forced mixing can have two results: it can lead to avoidance (you talk with your similar-minded friends about how useless the group is and how "stupid" the people appear) or it can lead to expanded horizons.

We are Australian

A few years ago, there was this theme song that was being played all the time called "I am, you are, we are, Australian" and it was all about multiculturalism and tolerance and stuff. I never really quite worked out who was pushing it and/or why but a friend sent an interesting permutation on the theme. Thanks Steve:

We, the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional idiot.

You are, I am, we are Australian.

Edited Email

Another one bites the dust!

Here Mr Spam Spider ..... Here boy ... Got a nice juicy spammer's email address for you to leech and add to your lists .....

This email just received (some details edited) from yahoo:

From: Yahoo!Mail
To: FormMail HoneyPot
Subject: Re: Abuse from one of your users (KMM74378537V47398L0KM)
Reply-To: Yahoo!Mail

Hello, Thank you for writing to Yahoo! Mail. We have investigated the email that you've brought to our attention and responded appropriately under the Yahoo! Terms of Service (TOS). Thank you again for contacting Yahoo! Customer Care.
Regards,
Yahoo! Customer Care
http://www.yahoo.com/

Original complaint which was automatically generated reads:

Dear abuse team,
One of your users is probing the Internet for open mail relays on webservers that have an unprotected FormMail webmail handler. This will undoubtably result in yet more (anonymous) spam.
Our server was probed as well, which automatically triggered this e-mail message. Please terminate the account of this abuser immediately.

Yours truly,
The guru-international security guard!

19102 (Y2K + 1)

Most programmers would spot the title being based on an old erroneous fix for the Y2K bug (programmers just stuck a '19' in front of the year). Well I received an email about how we can tell that we survived Y2K ...
You know you're living after Y2K when.....
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail your mate who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. [I answer the phone at work as if I was at home]
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "0" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.

and the real clinchers are...

13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends".
15. You got this e-mail from a friend that never talks to you any more, except to send you jokes from the net.
16. You are too busy to notice there was no No. 9.
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a No.9. (Bet you all did this one!?!?!?)

Pocket Change

According to stories on the net (e.g. BBC and Cnet ), Microslosh has reached a settlement with AOL for destroying Nutscrape. During the dispute we got to see entertaining snippets of the "World According to Microslosh"(tm) such as personal emails from Bill Gates (that refered to p*ss*ng on Nutscrape) and evidence of Microslosh employees attempting to cheat the court with faked videos.

As part of the settlement, AOL gets 7 years of royalty free access to Internet Exploder and information to help AOL make it's software work under Windows (maybe that should be shared around Microslash too - might help their apps to work better). In addition there is a small cash settlement - just $US750 million ($AU 1,150,030,000 - based on today's rate at XE.com).

Just think what good someone like Caritas could do with that much money.

3DO Needs M&M

That is "Might and Magic" not chocolate smarties :grin.

According to The Register , the gaming company 3DO has filed for Chapter 11. Although a quick glance at their home page only appears to list PC and game console products, they are also the developer for the fantastic "Heroes of Might and Magic" series which is available for Macs (in fact I was playing a round of HOMM IV last weekend).

Looks like time for a white knight (or maybe a hero with Expert Nobility) to cough up some cash. In the game we could upgrade the Town Hall or look for a chest of gold....

Sum of the Parts

Every now and then, it seems that things just click together. Most regular readers know that I use NetNewsWire (Pro) and all of you should be aware that I use a Newton (yes, that is a Newton logo at the top right of this article and it indicates that the article was written and posted from a Newton). Well today NNW tagged a new item on the inessential blog (written by the author of NNW) and he in turn mentioned a cool piece of software called "Read it to me" that takes the unread headlines from NNW and creats a playlist for iTunes with the news summaries in it. Weird but interesting. Basically you can listen to the news (theoretically on an iPod) instead of reading it.

My first thought was: I bet I can get that news stream over to the Newton and use the MAD player. My second thought was: Huh? Why is that link already visited. Yup, the link to the software looked a bit familiar - www.tow.com! Suddenly the (very slow) neurons get their act into gear - tow = adam tow = foundation software = cool newton stuff like nBlog! Like wow, this guy writes Newton code and hacks around in AppleScript for iTunes/NNW as well. and the stuff can then feed back to the Newton again. The whole thing strikes me as somehow elegant where the total solution is so much more than the sum of the parts.

The slow neurons reminds me of my wife's favourite joke. You see there is this big dinner party and the speaker doesn't want to embarrass any of the guests so he starts by asking if there are any Scots present. There is no response but he asked again to be sure. Still no response so he launches into the joke: "You see there was this Scotsman and you all know how slow Scotsman are ...". He is interrupted by an irate guest (imagine Glasgow accent here): "Hang on mon, I'm a Scotsmon!". Now whenever the kids have one of those slow moments followed by an 'Aha' flash of inspiration, my wife looks at me and says: "Must be the Scottish blood".

Back to the topic at hand: Thanks Adam (and your co-author) for a really cool little utility. Now if I can just script it to run once an hour then I can get the BBC headlines on the hour at work...

Nullus Anxietas

As one reader pointed out, my dog-latin translation for Terry Pratchett's "Nullus Anxietas" was (intentional) wrong. That was because I didn't want to spoil a lead in to this joke......

There was an Englishman who was diagnosed with brain cancer (no that's not the joke - quiet in the peanut gallery). The specialist explained that due to the advanced state of the tumour, the only choice was an immediate operation to remove about 50% of the brain. The Englishman was very concerned about the possible loss of half his brain (quiet in the French quarter), but the surgeon reassured him that he would end up speaking and sounding like an American. This almost caused a heart-attack on the part of the patient but he settled down after the clarification that as he would be for all intents and purposes, an American, he would be unaware of what he had lost. After all there are millions of Americans out there and none of them have half the brain of your average Englishman and they don't seem to mind it all (Oy, you yanks keep reading, the good bit is still coming).
The Englishman spent several sleepless nights pondering the quandary. Which was better: to be a dead Englishman or a live American. Not an easy decision. Just think, if he went for the operation, his friends would shun him and he would be the butt of jokes the whole world over. The thing that finally swayed him was the consideration that no Frenchman would ever consider speaking to him again.
The only problem was that the indepth consideration had taken time and the tumour was rapidly expanding. When the surgeon opened up the brain he realised that he would have to remove 75% to defeat the tumour. Now this is not the sort of operation where you can wake the patient up and ask permission. Nor could he afford to delay the operation for a few days to wait until the patient was clear of the anthesthetic. So he went ahead, cut out the tumour, cleaned everything up and waiting outside the recovery area, chewing his fingernails.
As soon as the nurse advised that the patient was coming around, the doctor raced in. He found the patient sitting up in bed looking around blearily. He started to apologise, explaining the risks and the growth of the tumour. The patient waved one hand in dismissal and said ....

NO WORRIES MATE! SHE'LL BE RIGHT.

[Ob. Exp: For the humour impaired (and those who only read half the joke), the phrase "No worries" is very Australian, and is also the correct translation of the Latin "Nullus Anxietas". Unlike some other cultures, Australians are quite happy to be the butt of their own jokes......]

Matrix

You all know how we have memes that govern behaviour - little snippets of things that we pass on without thinking. We tell children things like: "big children don't play with their food" and "nice children are polite to Grandma". As we get older, these become more specialised by sex ("real men don't cry except to impress women"), profession ("all the others in the team are going to the game"), and even social class ("you wouldn't catch our sort of people doing that").
Well tonight I am going to defy one of the unspoken Geek memes - I have just seen the "Matrix Reloaded", courtesy of EMC who took some 300 customers to see the movie in Sydney. I had seen the first Matrix movie in the US at WWDC (Apple's WorldWide Developer Conference). I sort of enjoyed it and understood the Buddhist philosophy behind it. Those who claim to see Christian themes are revealing their lack of knowledge about fundamental Christian beliefs. The theory is that all the world is an illusion and the heroes are those who can pierce the illusion and discover the ultimate truth. Well the Geek meme suggests that "all real geeks love this movie" but I've got to say that I found it only so-so. Maybe 5 out of 10.
I enjoyed the action, and the role of the architect was very realistic but there was an overload of confusing dialogue and some unexplained sections. Also the movie ends with a plug for Part 3 which is almost too greedy in its approach. I suspect that the theme for the next movie will be another layer of illusion inside the layer they already know about.
Anyway, I am sorry if that means I can no longer be a "Real Geek" but I have seen better movies. Thanks anyway to EMC for the chance to see it!

Readership

A reader spotted this article in the SMH (thanks Ben) which reads (near the end) as follows:
Senator Hill said he had raised concerns with Mr Howard about the appointment of a religious figure as governor-general because of its potential to blur the separation of church and state.
I would love to be able to claim that Senator Hill was a reader because that sounds just like the comment I made the other day. Unfortunately, I think from the context that Senator Hill made his remark before the appointment of Rev Hollingsworth. Does that mean he has a crystal ball?
I also thought that the Prime Ministers comment (from the same article) was appropriate: Mr Howard later told Government MPs at their weekly party room meeting that Dr Hollingworth had resigned because he could no longer command public support and not because of the pedophile scandal. The "spleen-venting" over the row was "sickening", he said.

Anniversaries

This item will be the 200th item posted to "Bored on the Bus" since the 10th of February. As per charter, it was penned on the bus using a Newton 2100 with a bad case of the jaggies. Due to regular realignments and the likely length of this missive, there may be some interruptions to the flow...

Really, two hundred items is not very signifigant. There are actually 296 items in the MT database (some from the other weblogs that also run on this site) and because I often post more than one item per day there are actually only 108 days of posts.

This was going to be a lengthy post but I am getting sick of realigning these jaggies every 10th word so I will leave pontificating about anniversaries to some later date. I hope you have enjoyed reading the last 200 posts and that you will look forward to the next 200!

Another Elevator Story

In response to my earlier joke about elevators, Theepan sent the following story but it took a while to clear out me email so it has been delayed a couple of weeks:

A boy and his father from the back of beyond were visiting the city for the first time. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide backtogether again.

The boy asked, "What is this, Father?" The father (never having seen an elevator) responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.

"While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24 year old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son ......

"Go get your mother".

Make $$$ Fast

Received this amazing offer in the mail and thought it sounded so good I should pass it on. The comments in italics are my additions and I changed the country and names to protect the not-so-innocent (and any suckers that read this page and don't realize that this is a complete and absolute crock. The remainder of the letter (including spelling and grammar) have been preserved.

Dear [Sucker]Partner,

I am the son of the late [never on time] president of SomewhereYouHaveNeverHeardOf [outside of the US], (now called SomethingVaguelyCommunist). I presume you are aware there is a financial dispute between my family (THE MOB [Isn't that Sicily]) and the present civilian [as opposed to my father's military dictatorship?] Government. This is based on what they [and most of the rest of the world] believe as bad and corrupt governance on my late father's part. As you might have heard how a lot [but not all?] of my father's bank account in Switzerland and North America [Why not name the country - Canada, USA or Mexico?] has been frozen [Well it is winter, isn't it].

Following the above named reasons [the money is getting cold], I am soliciting[i.e. what prostitutes do] for your humble and confidential assistance to take custody of twenty Million [Is a "Million" bigger or smaller than a "million"?] United States Dollars (US$20,000,000.00 [apparently it hasn't earned any interest while getting chilly]), also to front for me in the areas of business you desire profitable [The secret to making a profit is desire!].

These funds have secretly [So secretly that the unnamed company does not even know about them] been deposited into a confidential [i.e. unnamed] Security firm where it can easily be withdrawn or paid to a recommended beneficiary [So go ahead, do it! Stop telling me and just proceed]. The funds will be released to you by the Security firm based on my recommendations on that note ["La" a note to follow "So"], you will be presented as my partner who will be fronting [Fronting for someone is the ideal position to get a kick in the rear] for me and my family [Presumably family is reference to the never-on-time father] in any subsequent ventures [What subsequent ventures, give me the money and you'll never hear from me again!].

Myself and my mother have decided to give 18% [Let me think. You are going to give me the ability to withdraw all of your money and then keep only 18% of it. If I were dishonest enough to help you get these ill-gotten gains, I would also be dishonest enough to vanish with 100% of the money] to you if you are able to help us claim this consignment. We have also decided to give you any money spent on phone calls or traveling expenses in the course of this transaction at the end of the transaction [I have a better suggestion, treat me like a private detective. You pay upfront a retainer of lets say $US100,000 and then pick up the expenses tab at the end.].
Please, I need your entire support and cooperation for the success of this business ventures, your utmost confidentiality and secrecy is highly required, due to my family's present predicament.

I sincerely [Sincere is from the Latin - means "without wax" and yet I think this fellows head is full of earwax - can't be full of brains] will appreciate your acknowledgment as soon as possible. I am presently in the refugee camp here in the Netherlands [So you are not in any type of trouble and you are closer to the money than I am, your only problem is poor English] under the united nations refugee camp in Netherlands and I can be reached on my direct telephone number +31-621-XXX-XXX for an elaborate discussion [Elaborate sounds long and that phone number is a MOBILE phone in the Netherlands. I could blow that retainer in a couple of calls!].

Please indicate your interest by sending your telephone and fax numbers [Nah. You don't need those numbers, you already have my email address and if you can find it mixed in with the other 50,000 email addresses that also received this crap, feel free to send it again with my name spelt correctly!] or call me at anytime. I sincerely will appreciate your acknowledgement as soon as possible.

Thanks [Anytime],

Timothy I-Want-To-Rip-You-Off Mobutu Sese-Seko Hussein.

Conclusion: You send me $US100,000 as a retainer and agree to pay all expenses. I will take 100% of the ill-gotten gains and pass them to any legitimate charity which is helping those dispossessed by your never-on-time father.

Gas Bill for $0.00

A friend (Thanks Yin!) sent me an email about a fellow who had a gas bill for $0.00 and the subsequent problems that this caused. Before posting it I decided to check it out on Google. Looks like I was beaten to the punch. You can read the story at Jim O'Halloran's Weblog, The Bill For Zero , Albany Gateway or WWW Hosts Tidbits . Jim's site also has the polar bear story and a strange job advert in the current month's articles.

After all that excitement, I regret to inform you that the item has also been tagged as a probably hoax by Break The Chain.

What do Bears Eat?

Q. We all know that lions eat anything but what do bears eat?
A. Apparently they eat submarines .....

[Ed: The link is now defunct but by searching google I managed to find a cache of the original post at http://www.atlanticfleet.navy.mil/ssn21-bear0427.htm.]

The text reads:
Near the North Pole (Apr. 27, 2003) -- During Exercise ICEX 2003, the Seawolf-class attack submarine USS Connecticut (SSN 22) surfaced and broke through the ice. This polar bear, attracted by the hole which can be used to find food, was seen through the sub's periscope and these photos were captured as the image was projected on a flat-panel display. After investigating the Connecticut for approximately 40 minutes, the bear left the area, with no damage to the sub or to the bear. U.S. Navy photo by Mark Barnoff.

The photos (in order) were:

What's a GG4?

One of the old Goon show standby's used to be Harry Secombe in his rich plummy voice announcing that he was Harry Secombe GG4. After mentioning this several times someone (usually Milligan) would finally ask 'Whats a GG4' and at that point there would be a chorus of voices responding "For kiddies to ride on!" (*).

Well in Australia the GG is also the Queen's representative and official head of the country although the role is more symbolic than real. The GG (until yesterday) was the Rev. Peter Hollingsworth (who has an honary doctorate but I don't think that qualifies him for the title 'Dr.'). After being hounded by the media for a long period of time he has finally given into the pressure and resigned. This is very disappointing for a number of reasons and the main one is that the hounding ultimately became a kind of "trial by media". As far as I can tell (avoiding the rhetoric and vitriol), the only "crime" involved was that he was (Anglican) Archbishop of Brisbane (and hence is deemed personally responsible for anything that even happened in Queensland that involves the Anglican church) and he tends to speak his mind (calls a spade a spade).

Let's be fair and objective for a moment. If Rev. Hollingsworth is personally responsible for every case of child abuse related to the Anglican church in Brisbane then the Premier of Queensland is equally responsible for every case that occurred in the public school system (at least one of which resulted in the conviction of an MP). Why is the media hounding the premier to resign?

I think that the media was primarily after Rev. Hollingsworth because they think that appointing an archbishop to be governor general as violating some mythical separation of Church and State, forgetting that we are not part of the USA and that the real head of our country (the Queen) is also head of the Anglican church anyway. The previous GG was a staunch Catholic (and has just been knighted) but that was a private matter. The current GG being an archbishop before he was a GG became a public matter.

The Queen has apparently (quite sensibly) decided not to become involved. According to the SMH , she has stated that the matter is one for the Australian government.

Personally, I feel that the complaint about "damaging" the reputation of the position of governor-general should not be directed at Rev. Hollingsworth. It should be directed at the feral media.

[* For those without a background in British style humour (i.e. Americans), the word "gee-gee" is traditional used as a childs name for a horse - as in "Gee Up Horsie". Hence the question is: "What is a Gee-gee for?" ... ]

Bad Latin!

Yesterday I failed to correctly identify some Latin (Cogito, ergo doleo) and I thought I could make up for it with some loose translations of my own. In particular I would like to violate one of the rules of blogging (which from memory reads: "No one gives a stuff about your university"). I mean to say, I break all the other rules (like the one about publishing "search strings" - I get more demand from friends for that than any other topic).

OK. I went to UNSW (University of New South Wales) for my first degree (and 2nd and 3rd) and they have the wonderful Latin motto: "Thinking About Working" (Manu Et Mente).

My parents (and my wife) went to The University (i.e. the oldest in Australia - Sydney University) and their motto (at least according to my father) is "Silly Men, Eat Potato" (Sidere Mens Eadem Mutato).

One of the colleges at UNE (University of New England) uses the motto: "Salute the messiest student: (Salubritati et litteris studemus). Another uses: "Verily Students (should be) prosecuted" (Veritatis Studium Prosequi) and UNE is of course: "A Snake Made Us" (Ex Sapientia Modus).

I have a intellectual brother who not only corrects my terrible translations but explained once how to order a cappucino in Latin (despite my suggestion that they hadn't been invented at the time). On the other hand, if you enjoy terrible Latin you should check out some of the Terry Pratchett books which include such gems as: "Sodomy non sapiens" (Buggered if I know); "Fabricate Diem, PVNC" (Motto of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch); "Cuius testiculos habes, habeas cardia et cerebellum" (How to get someone's full attention); "mortis portalis tackulatum" (Dead as a doornob); "Nil mortifi, sine lucre" (No killing without payment) and the ultimate Australian University Motto: "Nullus Anxietas" (She'll be right).

Site News

I'm glad this is running on a Mac!

There was an attack against the site early this morning (local) time but it appears to have failed (other than creating a Denial of Service) for a short period. As part of the checking and cleanup, I have installed formmail honeypot traps and I will be posting details (including mailing address) of any idiots who try to use it. With any luck their emails will be picked up by the spiders and someone will send spam to them :lol.

In the meantime, I have deleted some inappropriate comments that were posted around the same time and IP banned the relevant addresses. If you are unable to access the site, then sorry about that but you need to be more careful!

I have also disallowed annonymous comments. You will now need to suppy a URL or email address to post comments.

iToiletPaper

The best (and funniest) summary of the iToiletPaper story can now be found here (if you can't see it, check the previous episodes). I also like the linguistic turn of phrase that allows the author to end a sentance with not ONE but TWO prepositions!

Geek Gifts

OK, here is the latest Geek Gift from LAKS-vienna:

If you can't see clearly, this is a watch with a built in memory stick and it is being plugged into an Apple PowerBook G3 (one version before mine - it has the SCSI port while I have the firewire port).

Just think, if we made all the users have one of these, we could eliminate their home directories on a network server. You want to log in? Plug your watch in first - it could even hold your SSL / PGP / whatever passwords and security keys.

More images (and a link for a download disk) can be found here .

Sydney Top 5

Based (but modified) on an email from Steve!

The five best reasons to live in Sydney:
5. No-one you meet was actually born there (those who were, have all left)
4. You don't need to check the train (or bus) timetable, after all the driver has never looked at it
3. You may need to hire a taxi to get from home to wherever you managed to park last night
2. Your taxi-driver was a micro-surgeon before he emigrated to Australia
and finally, the number one reason:
1. Even if you earn $100,000 per annum, you can't afford to buy a house!

Compare these ...

Check out this story and then compare it to a posting earlier on this site . The first story is older (by a month), I wonder where it came from first and what convoluted chain it followed to reach me.

I have updated the story in the story in the archive. If you know of an even older link, please let me know (or add a comment).

Suspicious Minds

History Lesson: Once upon a time there was a company (D) that made an operating system called CPM. Another company (M), supposedly partners with D, made compilers for the BASIC language. The two worked together to port the OS and compiler to multiple small processors. Then the M company decided to go it alone and made (some claimed ripped off) an OS for a client (called MS-DOS). Sometime later, company D manufactured a better version of M's operating system (called DR-DOS).

Still with me? DR-DOS ended up with Caldera who took Company M (Microslush) to court in the first (of multiple) case of monopolistic behavior. Ultimately the case was settled by Microslush paying up. Over 900 boxes of evidence were collected and stored by Caldera which clearly documented the wrong doings of company M.

Speed forward to earlier this year. SCO (who owns Caldera, or vice versa) claimed that Linux infringes on their IP rights - a case which is not going to help the Linux community. even if SCO is blowing hot air. Company M announced yesterday that they would purchase a license to use this IP from SCO. Today, the news broke that SCO is destroying the evidence from the Caldera trial because it is too expensive to keep. The documents are being turned into toilet paper.

Obviously the two news items are not in any way related. Even the most cynical person (like myself) couldn't imagine company M buying their way out of trouble. Could you? Seriously. Next you will be suggesting that M is capable of abusing its' position as a virtual monopoly. (Mutter mutter mutter). Oh, sorry they have done that already.

I personally think, the important point to this story is that it confirms the iLoo rumours. All that was holding it up was some toilet paper and company M has just purchased that (along with IP) from SCO :rofl.

More details here and at slashdot (no link provided due to Slashdot stupidity about XML readers).

Unauthorised use ...

According to this story in the SMH today, a man was booked in New York for unauthorised use of a milk crate (in case you were wondering, he was sitting on it and apparently they are not meant to be sat on). Too right. We should stamp on this unorthodox behaviour. Everyone knows that milk crates are supposed to be for standing on. When the parade goes though town then you stand on your crate to get a better view. No worries.

(Mumble mumble mumble)

Sorry, I have just been told that I was wrong, apparently milk crates are for holding milk - so that's why they are called milk crates, I always wondered. Personally I would think that the milk would come out of the holes ....

(Mumble mumble mumble)

Oh. Actually they should be called milk carton crates. Still doesn't explain why I can't sit on one.

(Mumble mumble mumble)

I see now. It was a revenue raising exercise - sort of a sitting-on-milk-crate tax. What every will they think of next? Stupidity tax? Sin tax (no that would be brothels)....

SPAM

I hate SPAM. I am not talking about the sort of SPAM that comes in a can. I am talking about the sort of SPAM that comes in your email box. Junk email advertising things you would never be interested in (assuming that you have more than two braincells left that are connected).
I want to put it on record here and now:
- I do not want to take advantage of the introduction of the Euro (Hello! Anybody home? It has already happened! You have missed the boat)
- I do not want to take advantage of your fantastic interest rates (which do not apply to me in Australia - look at the address morons!)
- I do not want to consolidate my debt with some character I have never met in some strange country that will involve foreign currencies (see previous point)
- I do not want to buy non-prescription (or prescription) drugs from you. In fact by offering those drugs to me, you are in breech of Australian law.
- I do not need longer dangly bits. I was always told that it wasn't the length, it's what you do with it that matters (and you can start by keeping it in your trousers)
- No thanks to the viagra as well (natural or unnatural). Maybe if I took advantage of the previous offer then I would need some help. BTW given that viagra requires a script, it is illegal to offer to sell it to me without approval from the government.
- No thanks to the "free" porn as well. I guess you didn't notice that I have not taken up the two previous offers which might leave me in a position to require this service.
- Finally I do want to make money fast but your method is only going to make YOU money fast, It won't help me at all.

The only problem is ... this statement will not have any impact on the lowlive, scum-sucking, bottom feeders who send SPAM. More likely it will encourage them to continue to hammer my web server looking for open relays and formmail configurations that will allow them to continue to spew their thoughtless garbage on innocent victims everywhere.

Mad Cow Link

I feel much better after reading this article on the News Is Crappy website.

Here's the connection: Mad cow in Canada + Some Canadian's speak French = Blame the French!

Or as NIC puts it:

U.S. Bans Canada Beef Imports After Mad Cow Diagnosed
Now if we could somehow tie this directly to France, US citizens would really support this move. It could happen... Part of Canada speaks French. Part of Canada has mad cow disease. Coincidence?

Healthy Living

From Theepan again! I really like the answer to question 3.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it .... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Do you have a body? Do you have any fat? If you have a body, and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Hello..... Cocoa beans... Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around!"

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... after all flour is a veggie!

Vaio Revisited

The story the other day about the Vaio was missing the picture because I had loaned my scanner to a worthy cause (the all new, bestest, most secretest upgrade to another site).

Thanks Pete for scanning this:

Why blog?

I guess I do it to share stuff with people. I have some friends I wanted to keep up with (some of whom are not in Australia) and it seemed more flexible than sending emails to multiple people. Then it sort of got more addictive - you see something and think, wow, I should post that. Then it is really cool when people you have never met before stop and send an email (or add a comment). Sort of really "reach out and touch someone".

Well there are other reasons too. This woman had enough of the bad service she received from a company and decided to blog the experience (and push it on google). I'll keep that in mind, next time I had problems with support ...

Speaking of frustrating experiences, I must remember to bore you all with some more real estate episodes....

Links ...

Just noticed that I have a typo in the main page under links. The entry that reads "inside gretch's head" should read "inside gretchen's head". Oops. Unfortunately I am not in a position to fix that right now (but I'll try tomorrow).

Also came across an item in NNW which mentioned a screen saver on a Newton site. Full of curiosity about the possibility of Newton Screen Saver (why?) I traced the link but I think it was actually a screen saver for some other platform. The image only links to itself not the screen saver so I would have to actually go looking for the screen saver in Google and I can't be bothered tonight. Still it sort of looked interesting.

I haven't seen the Matrix Reloaded yet. There was some special offer from one of the suppliers at work to go see it and I accepted but never heard back from them. Oy. Are you still there?

Also liked the elephant story that can be found here. I guess the guy would have noticed the elephant if it was pink. Then again, maybe it was pink and the guy assumed it was a drunken hallucination.

Finally, I noticed I was getting links from this site. Not sure what brought us to their attention but thanks for the link guys. I will be sure to return the favour when I fix gretchen's head tomorrow. On second thoughts, maybe I shouldn't encourage readers to go look at their site, it look better than mine :wink.

Blog Ecosystem

Last time I checked on the Blog ecosystem I had slipped to #2278 while Pete & Gez had climbed to #2029. Oh the shame of it. I am sure there is a reverse link from Pete to my blog but apparently the ecosystem doesn't see it for some reason.

Freedom Protests

Did anyone else see this story on Friday? Apparently the Freedom government has made a formal protest to the USA about the misrepresentation of the American media. of particular concern is the way their national name is being erased. Traditional products are having their names changed to avoid the association with their country. One specific galling (gauling :wink) example is the renaming of Freedom Fries which are now called "heart attack inducing, deep fried, lumps of potato".

Naturally, the Freedom government apologised for their own media and citizens who have been mocking the Americans for decades for:
- being uncultured (probably true),
- refusing to eat real food (like snails and frog legs) and (most importantly)
- failing to acknowledge the natural inherited superiority of God's gift to mankind (the people of Freedom).

Citizens of freedom are currently divided as to possible settlement options. They all agree that recognition as the true cultural leaders and most significant super power would be a great start but the requirement that all Americans learn to speak Freedom instead of English has resulted in factional brawling.

One faction suggest that Americans would not be intelligent enough to learn Freedom, another pointed out the damage they have done to English and a third faction suggested that maybe they should let the Quebecois settle the matter given the long term exposure they have had to the Americans.

None of the heated discussion about the settlement was deemed to be offensive to the Americans as it was considered highly unlikely that any of them could read Freedom anyway.

Idiot with a lithp

I grew up in the urban rural fringe and I know what a cow looks like. I know cows (and bulls) can be really stubborn. They are also big and heavy. The trick to controlling them is to use the nose ring. Pull gently on the ring and no matter what size or mood, the cow/bull will follow wherever it is led.

I think of this everytime I see some idiot with a ring in their nose. Ahh, the mind ticks, someone who is easily led! Someone who wants to be dominated. Someone who is as stupid as a cow (or bull).

Really the whole piercing thing is a bit beyond me. Why would you bother. I mean the dentist and the doctor and going to make enough holes in me without volunteering to get more of them. I have seen idiots with nose rings, earrings, cheek rings, tongue rings, belly rings, eyebrow rings (and I have heard of other strange places too). Where will it all end?

Well for this idiot (image below) none of that was enough. He had his tongue split as well. Gives him a lithp and makes him look like a freak but apparently that's OK with him (maybe he is a lithp programmer or emacth user!).

What I want to know: Could I tie a knot through the nose ring with his tongue?

Bus / Image / Icon

For all those people who keep searching for bus images:

Newcastle Revisited

You probably have already forgotten the USB printer saga in Newcastle a few weeks ago. I was setting up a 7300 and discovered that the printer was DOA. Replacements were impossible to find so I settled for a USB printer and a USB/PCI card. The solution didn't work, until I replaced the PCI card.
Email to the manufacturer and polite feedback on their website got absolutely nowhere. Sort of an email black hole. Web searches did not help. Even the low end Mac resource did not answer my questions.
At the same time as contacting the supplier, I also emailed the retailer where I purchased the card (Dick Smith). Anyway, a refund was given for the card but a week later (better late then never) I got an email from Dick Smith suggesting I get a refund because it didn't work for them either.

Nice to know it wasn't something you did....

Real Estate Agents

You often read about the extraordinary way real estate agents abuse the English Language in advertisements. We have just received a letter from an agent who wants to sell our house and he could even put Joe Bonkers-Bananas (former premier of Queensland) to shame. Joe is (probably inaccurately) famous for the phrase; "I smell a rat, I see it floating in the air, I shall nip it in the bud", which makes sense only if you ignore the metaphors and look at the meaning and context.

Our friendly agent writes: "... timing is everything and it is important to act now while the iron is hot in a market that is boiling over with activity".

Let's take a moment with that phrase:
- Timing is everything = Only fools rush in, look before you leap, consider carefully what you are doing because otherwise a hasty decision could lead to later regrets.
- It is important to act now = He who hesitates is lost. If you delay the opportunity is gone, immediate response required.
- The iron is hot = best time to strike (or is that to go on strike), if you delay everything shatters - which may actually be helpful as the house would be demolished to build units.
- The market is boiling over = frantic activity which is not achieving anything (as in the milk which boils over is spoiled), also suggests may be too late and market will come off the heat for cooling.

The strangest part is the mixing of the hot iron and the boiling market. I suspect that molten (boiling) iron is far too hot for striking and in fact all that overflowing, boiling iron probably creates a situation that is far too dangerous for a mere house owner :grin.

Vaio - Too hot to handle?

Saw an advert for Vaio laptops (at least I think that was what it was). The front page of the "Southern Courier" shows a really green grassy field (which given this is Australia) must have been absolutely sodden to get the grass that green). There is a bloke (probably a bloke) walking offpage to the right so that he is only partially visible. He is holding a Vaio. Where he was sitting in the grass, the grass is sort of dead and crushed and even a bit burnt in colour.
Does this mean: "Our batteries last so long that the grass around you will grow 6 inches before you need a recharge"?

I can think of other possibilities:
- Our laptop is so hot it will not only burn you but the grass as well....
- Running anything under windows will take so long on this laptop that the grass will grow before the application opens ...
- Rip Van Winkle probably used a Vaio ...

I will try to post a copy of the picture, In the meantime, why not add your suggestions below in the comments?

Men are from Mars

Due to the rain, the buses were crowded and slow. Part-way along the bus route the police and fire brigades were pumping water out of Centennial Park which closed the bus roadway and a couple of lanes. As you can imagine, this did not help with the traffic.

Anyway there were two interesting discussions next to me. Two gents standing in the aisle (as I was) were catching up along the lines of: "Oh I haven't seen you for years". After a bit of roundabout discussion (my fitness plan is better than your fitness plan, my car is smaller than yours, etc), the two settled to discussing other friends in common and the tone was one of friendly inquiry: "What's Fred up to now?".

Sitting nearby were two women playing the same (almost) catchup game" "Oh darling, it's been simply ages and what have you done to your hair?" They two started to discuss old acquaintances but the tone was a lot less friendly: "You wouldn't believe what that old cow is doing now!".

Umbrellas and rain

What was that saying about the rain?

The rain, it raineth on the just,
And the unjust fellow,
But mainly on the just, because
The unjust has the justs umbrella!

This morning on the bus I was subject to a walk-by umbrella snatch but fortunately it was too crowded and I was hanging onto the umbrella too well...

What phone?

Lovely story from the UK about phone boxes. Just imagine this:

BT #1: How do you identify a phone box?
BT #2: Well obviously it is a box with a phone in it.
BT #1: No. I mean seriously, how do you keep an inventory of them?
BT #2: You need a serial number.
BT #1: Why not use the phone number of the phone in the box.
BT #2: Brilliant, but what if there was no phone in the box?
BT #1: Well obviously it isn't a phone box, is it?

So the story is that some vandels (or goths or visagoths or some other barbarian invaders) removed the phone from the phone box. It cannot be repaired or replaced because it no longer exists.

That's right, it has no identifiable serial number and therefore it is not a phone box. It is merely an ... wait for it ... Xbox.

Coloured Signs

This comment should be prefixed by the equivalent of IANAL (I Am Not A Lawyer) but for physicist or optrician or something. I was waiting to cross the road and got thinking about the walk lights. In Sydney, we normally get the little men symbols - this is not being sexist - the stop symbol looks the same as the one used to identify the gents toilets. Anyway, the stop man is red and facing you, the go man is green and walking straight into the moving traffic. Think about that - he is walking at right angles to you - which means he is communicating the idea of walking but miscommunicating the direction.
In other places, the symbols (or words) are different but the colours are still the same.

The real question is why use red and green. If I can remember optics from doing physics in the dark ages (ie last century), there are three key frequencies in the eye when we view colour. These can vary from person to person but if two are closer together than usual, we get colour-blindness which is more properly an inability to distinguish certain shades as being different. Now given three points on a line, there are two gaps to consider: one gives the fairly common red-green problem (10%), the other leads to the rarer blue-green problem (1%). My main interest is that I am mildly blue-green colourblind. That means that there are some shades of colour that I cannot distinguish (and before you ask, yes I know that the sky is blue and that trees are green or if you are still in a punny mood: Teresa Green).

Surely there must be a better combination of colours that would work for lights. I understand about the red = danger combination but what about the green = safe idea. How about blue = safe instead?

Iraqi Scams

Came across an interesting scam yesterday. It is an obvious ripoff of the traditional nigerian scam but translated into Iraq. To make it extra attractive to "Freedom Fries" eaters, it centers around dubious transactions between the Iraqi government and the French! Some moron is undoubtedly going to feel that they can kill two birds with one stone here - get rich and embarass the French.

Now before you all get excited - this is a SCAM. Do not respond to them. Do not send them email. They will rip you off!

Text of scam, including spelling mistakes (taken from posting on Inessential - link above):

Dear Sir,
I have made this contact to you with the hope that you can help me out in this my dilemma / problem. I was the personal aide to the Iraqi minister of education and research. Dr Abd Al-khaliq Gafar. That died in the war. Before the war, we had traveled to France to negotiate a contract payment deal on behalf of the Iraqi government on procurement and payment of educational materials and components for the ministry, which entailed him to pay off our customers by cash for onward delivery of the goods via Turkey. Because of international / UN monetary restrictions /sanction on Iraqi. Since our entire operating bank accounts had been frozen.

Regards
El - Mustapha .

Another trip to the iLoo

Boy this must belong to the "there's no such thing as bad publicity" category. A quick sequence review is in order:
Step 1 - Put out a press release about a crappy product - everyone laughs at you.
Step 2 - Claim that the press release is a April Fool's hoax even though it was release in May - everyone laughs at you.
Step 3 - Recant the hoax claim and claim that it was marketing strategy - everyone looks really confused.

That's right. Apparently the iLoo is/was/might be real. The recant of the hoax (which happened between when the previous article was written and when it was posted) story is being carried on a number of web sites including: Wired News, The Register, and News is Crappy. Also see another article on The Register.

Can we just all agree that Microslash iLoo stinks and get on with it?

iLoo Reflushed

Let's imagine that you had a big company that made crappy products and somebody put out a story about the iLoo. There are a few different responses that you could use. You could ignore it and wait for it to go away. You could jump up and down and lose your temper. Or you could make a complete fool out of yourself.

Apparently the iLoo story which appeared via Microslosh UK was supposed to be an April Fools prank. Small problem with this scenario - it wasn't released in April. In fact there was no indication at all that this was a prank. Everything (including official spokespersons) was consistent with it being a real story. Nevertheless, Microslash expect you to believe that they got their months (and days) mixed up and released an April Fools story in May.

The real story is probably more like this:
Microserf 1: A lot of people are making fun of our new iLoo.
Microserf 2: I don't care, I like surfing while I am on the throne for my 5 minutes alloted toilet break every third day.
Microserf 1: Yes but people are laughing at us.
Microserf 2: Just tell them it was an April Fool's joke.
Microserf 1: But it's not April.
Microserf 2: It is if we say it is!

Oh well, no more potty jokes about crappy software please!

Followup story from AtAT as well (much funnier than anything I can do):

Remember the MSN iLoo? Well, faithful viewer Enrique Gomez tipped us off to an Associated Press article in which Microsoft claims that the whole project was just a hoax, despite the fact that the company's own PR people have repeatedly confirmed that it's real. The thing is, if it was a hoax, it still originated from Microsoft-- there's the official press release, after all, which at broadcast time had yet to be yanked from microsoft.com. Maybe faithful viewer Pat Chekal was right last week when he surmised that it was just an April Fools joke that didn't make it out the door until May; "only five weeks late-- that's way ahead of the usual Microsoft delivery lag." That's certainly possible, we suppose, but to us this whole "it was a hoax" thing smells like classic Microsoft revisionism, à la "those faked tapes we entered into evidence were actually just meant to be an 'illustration.'" After all, if you announced a product that spawned a solid week of ridicule from every sentient being on the planet, wouldn't you like to pretend it was all a joke?

Another variation can be found at "The Register". Also at ABCNews.

New European President

Apparently an apple employee is the new president of Europe. His prime aim is to get the Apple Music Store working in his domain.
"As head of Europe, I have only one interest, which is to launch [iTunes Music Store] in Europe"
OK. I have finally worked out what all the kerfuffle with the governer-general is about. Ignore the concept of "innocent until proven guilty", we have to have him removed so that we can replace him with an Apple Australia employee so that we can get the music store going here as well.....

On a more serious note, I think that this trend towards trial by media is getting dangerous. Kermit (former premier of NSW) stood down after allegations which turned out to be false. George Pell (Catholic archbishop of Sydney) was forced to do the same (and was again found innocent) and now the GG. The courts exist to hear such allegations and make a judgement. If these people are found to be guilty then there is a case to remove them from public office. As long as there is no such finding, leave them alone.

IT Shootouts

I just love these weird techo phrases. They come into existence, get over-hyped and over-used, and then vanish into the ether. The meeting I attended this morning was using the phrase "shootout" which refers to the process of comparing two vendors and their products by holding some form of competition. This is used when the choice of products is not clear and, when implemented correctly, allows the customer to test the products in their deployment environment.

Unfortunately it can be rigged to make one product or vendor look better than another. This in turn allows the introduction of products that would not otherwise meet normal requirements by showing them to be better than an existing product that has been approved. In some cases, the rigging is clear and blatent, in other cases it is much harder to tell.

The whole thing reminds me of my Uncle Joe who was a real shootout champion, fastest gun is the west, his gun used to fire before it left the holster. He was known far and wide as "two-toe-joe".

Yee Haa

Is that how you spell it? You know the phrase 'Yee Haa - Ride em cowboy'. Anyway, we are moving up the blog ecosystem (mainly by luck I think) and the blog is now at position 1829. My brother's blog has hit 1981 (and it wasn't there yesterday at all).

Mind you, the score is related to links from blo.gs which isn't going to help a lot as those links are transitory. I guess we need to trade links with other blogs to have a permanent effect....

Yo PC ain't so fast now!

Anyone remember the infamous floating point pentium bug? Of course not, that was ancient history (in the IT world that means more than 10 years ago). Well apparently a modern sucessor has been found in the Itanium (which was supposed to be the Sexium or something similar).

Don't panic. There is a simple solution. Just run the computer slower. A lot slower. Then nothing can go wrong.

Best advice really. If you are having problems with your PC, give it a try. Slow down until you stop altogether. Switch it off to save power. Now nothing can go wrong....

Now, all together: Here's a nickel son, get yourself a real computer!

More strange searches

People type the strangest things into search engines and sometimes they end up on my site:
the golf war - still a popular topic - see pictures here or a more serious entry here.
microslosh experts in brisbane - this is climbing the ladder. Either there is a major shortage of experts in Brisbane or the same person is still looking ...
causes of team nz in yacht 2003 - huh? The only cause (of them loosing) was that most of the Swiss team (a nation renowned for sailors and navel expertise) was taken from the last (victorious) New Zealand team (or at least that's what Mike tells me and he ought to know because he is from New Zealand :wink).
icons comment - well I could comment on your icons but I won't if that offends you.
schools vs politics - at least that was a valid topic but it was some time ago.
jon wright - who me? Whaddya looking at? Whaddya doing putting my name in a search engine? You wanna make something of it? At least you spelt it right this time (last time you were looking for John Rite).
safari https proxy - really? Actually I think the phrase should be "safari != https proxy". Omniweb works OK and that other one that starts with a C but isn't Chimera anymore... Yeah that's it Camino.
bored uk - well I don't think anywhere else will be less boring if that's how you feel.
icons pictograms - yes, pictograms is another word for an icon. Does that help?
guru international - that search ought to work. We are guru-international.com, .net and .org and also I think .hopto.org as well.
bus timetable melbourne - sorry can't help there. Do they have buses in Melbourne or is it all trams?
bus publicity - well if they had more bus publicity in Melbourne, I would know if they had buses there and I could have answer the previous question.
kurds and love with sex - really? Personally I find that words like 'and' & 'with' don't work too well in search engines and I suspect that 'sex' will return more hits that you can poke a stick at.
download yankee doodle to powerpoint - yes please. Can I have a copy when you're done? BTW I prefer Keynote - it is a lot easier to use than PowerPoint
singalong war in iraq - Umm. I'm not sure how to break this gently but it was a real war not a singalong war.
waverly bus drivers - more bus questions but at least it is closer to home. Still can't help. Nearest depot to here is Randwick (about three blocks away).
bus brisbane sydney - nope.
bus sydney to brisbane - changing the order won't help.
icons bus - see below.
icons of bus - see below.
bus icons - OK. I get the hint. I will try and find or make a bus icon for all you bus icon searchers.

Grow your audience

Microslash has worked out what to do with the combination of failing income, annoyed customers and general consumer disinterest. Charge them.

The gist of the decision (which is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg according to accredited spokespersons) is related to the poor user response to MSN 8's online radio. Instead of deciding that this could be related to content (there are other internet radio stations out there) or cost (cheaper to listen on a transistor than connect over a volume charged ISP connection), Microslash has decided that they should charge for the experience. This will apparently improve the user experience.

Guaranteed to work. Charge them money for something that used to be free and they will stay away in droves (just like the .Mac debacle). This will reduce the contact between Microslash and the consumer which will in turn improve the user experience. Everybody (almost) wins.

Magic Roundabouts

This was sent to me by Theepan and my immediate reaction was complete disbelief. I figured that putting this up on the website (even as a joke) would make me a laughing stock. Anyway, I decided to check with my favourite (only) English brother-in-law and he confirmed that these accidents-waiting-to-happen do really exist.

Story from Theepan:
Ok, imagine you have to drive your car in Britain, and you're less than enthusiastic about it, since you only recently got your drivers license, and you'll have to drive on the left lane. And then you see this:

Well after sending a copy to Patrick, he wrote back saying:
We do indeed have the Magic Roundabouts - I avoid them like the plague! There is one I cannot escape however, at Heathrow Airport on the perimeter road between Terminal 4 and the other terminals. Just what you need as a foreign visitor in your hire car setting out to navigate on the "wrong" side of the road for anyone from the US or EU country! They are a nightmare sorting out priority and/or direction.

Blog #2206

Hey we have appeared in the blog ecosystem. Search for Bored or scroll down. Keep scrolling. More. All the way to the bottom and then a bit more. Look it's the last entry.

Sure it is down the bottom at entry #2206 but at least we have something to aim at. Now to climb the ladder we need to get links from other blogs on the list. Only a matter of time...

Although the links might be ones like "Don't read these sites"...

Lions will eat anything

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. He starts on this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade. Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions because lions will eat anything. So he throws the fish into the lion's cage.

He then moves on to his second job, which is to clear out the monkey house. He goes in and a couple of chimps start throwing coconuts at him. Un-amused he swipes at the chimps with his spade, killing them instantly. He's really worried now, so what does he do? He feeds the chimps to the lions, because lions eat anything. He hurls them into the lion's cage.

Anyway, he moves on to his last job, which is to collect honey from South American bees. He starts on this and quickly gets attacked by the bees. Alarmed, he grabs his spade and smashes the bees as hard as he can, squashing them to death. By this point he is not too worried about the death of bees as he knows what to do by now. He throws them into the lion's cage, becauselions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. It wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like in here?".

The other lion says: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees".

[From Patrick of course! - Thanks Pat!]

New sites

Found a couple of interesting sites. One is the amazing News is Crappy.

A couple of gems on the site today included:

Monkeys Don't Write Shakespeare: "Researchers at Plymouth University in England reported this week that primates left alone with a computer attacked the machine and failed to produce a single word." The researchers were all trying to get their doctorates in "what the hell are you thinking"--I think we can all nod in agreement that the degrees are well earned.

Saudis Seek 19 Suspected of Terrorist Plot: The problem seems to be wading out all the other terrorists in Saudi Arabia... Tough to find just 19.

I also found a section on another web site: The Truth Laid Bare. This section of the sites details a sort of blog ecosystem with some 2192 blogs listed (and I am not one of them - at least not yet!). So a quick word to all those bored people looking on Google and ending up here ... try the previous link for a couple of weeks worth of reading material.

Bloging Things

There is a new segment on the right with links to BlogShares and BlogChalking. No idea yet if these are things that will be permanent but they both seem to be interesting ideas. Click on the links for more details.

To help with the indexing of the blogchalking stuff, I need to add the following tag to this article:

This is my new blogchalk:
Australia, New South Wales, Sydney, English,  , Jon, Male,  , Newtons, Family History. :)

Information Minister

NNW pointed me to this site which in turn leads to 404 php page that can be found here. Good to see something better than that last job with Microslash.

Big News of the Week

Just when things have started to slow down ...
Just when things are getting nice and quiet ...
Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water ...

The boogeyman is back - Microslash has another vulnerability. Just a lttle one. Doesn't really affect anyone. Unless of course they happen to have a Microsoft passport. Or a hotmail account. Or Windows. Or Office. Or just about anything that uses Microslosh software.

Don't panic. It's not like a real serious problem. It's not like you really care. I mean this doesn't affect your email? Oh it does. Sorry about that. But your credit cards are safe. Oh they aren't.

You see anyone can change your password. Anytime. To anything. All they need is your email address and a carefully constructed URL which could be put together by a PC user ...

Don't worry, sounds like WAD (Working As Designed) to me.

I mean if you really cared then you would ....

(All togther please)...

HERE'S A NICKLE SON, GET YOURSELF A REAL COMPUTER

Links for the curious can be found all over the place including the following articles: Wired News, SecurityFocus and best of all at The Register which outlines the potential penalty of $US2trillion which out to go a long way to helping the US budget blowout.

Airports

Can you think of anything more depressing than an airport at 5am. At least it is possible to get parking which is somewhere near the terminal rather than having to walk more than half the length of the runway. At the price charged for parking, they could actually supply full valet service and still have change over.
To make us feel extra welcome, the airport management have arranged to make the fire alarm sound. At least that means I will be more awake when I start driving.
The flight must have been ok as the kids coming out look fresh and energetic. I think the norm is to have them all bouncing and energetic on the flight but collapsing and sleepy when they arrive - so that you have to carry them as well as the luggage.
Lots of people wearing tee-shirts. Hope Liz is better organised, or at least has a jacket that is easy to get at because it is very cold this morning. At least it is not raining.
According to Qantas, the flight was on time, arriving at 5:15. Originally I thought that was a misprint because of the curfew imposed by the state government but there was one posted flight before 5am and two or three since (hard to tell because of the flight sharing codes). QF6, which should have Liz on board, has come here from Frankfurt via Singapore. According to the Qantas web site, the flight left Germany at 11:55 pm two days ago. When was that in local times?
Here she comes, still wearing that hat. It's a wonder that it doesn't have corks around it. I guess they say Aussies are like the Irish - more Australian when absent :wink.

Party Time

When I went to the kitchen (at work) yesterday morning to refill my water bottle, I noticed a party in the conference room. Given the earlier corporate austerity notice (no overtime, no morning teas, no travel, no conferences) it seemed a bit out of place until someone explained that it was actually a "football tipping morning tea" (Rugby League) and they supplied their own food.
I guess that would be something like cow-tipping only harder. Harder because the average Thugby League player weighs more than a cow. On the other hand it may actually be easier because the cow has a greater IQ and could run away . . .

Wee Free Men

For the Pratchett fans in Sydney, the latest book is now in stores (better late than never)! The book was originally supposed to be available on the 1st of My but I couldn't find it anywhere until yesterday,
You can pick up "The Wee Free Men" at Galaxy (behind QVB) or Dymocks (George Street). Normally I would suggest Galaxy as a way of supporting a sepcialist retailer but at the moment Dymocks have it on special at $29.95 (instead of $39.95).
If you are going to Dymocks, don't ask at the main counter (they won't have heard of Pratchett). Instead take the escalator down to the children/music/games section which is also where the fantasy and SF books live. If you think of the downstairs area as a (sort of) circle, the relevant section is on the direct opposit side to where the elevator dropped you. Head around (left or right doesn't matter) and you will see a large bookcase on the inner side of the circle which has some prominent "Asterix" books in the lower right corner. "The Wee Free Men" on special were on the left of the same bookcase about waist high, There were about 10 there yesterday lunchtime.

A conversation in the lift

A conversation in the lift on the way home from work reminded me of an old joke. This was reinforced by a casual comment about the way I spelt "colour" in an email to a friend.

There was an American who, at least for this joke, was staying at a posh hotel in London. He was a self-made man, wealthy and proud of his heritage. Having checked in, he decided to sample the cuisine but was somewhat disoriented by the different method used for counting floors. After asking, the concierge directed him to the "elevator".

Possibly because of the earlier confusion, the somewhat disgruntled guest decided to correct the hotel employee: "You mean lift, don't you?".

"No", responded the concierge, who was not prepared to be corrected by a mere American, regardless of wealth, "I meant elevator!".

The guest frowned and growled in reply: "We invented the darn things and we can call them whatever we like!"

"Certainly sir!", came the quick reply, "but don't forget WE invented the language".

Search Engines

I am getting togther the replacement site stats package - replacing the custom tools with a standard package (awstats). In the process I have been exploring all of the information that is available (as opposed to just the bits I was interested in) and one of the possible windows shows all of the search engine queries that have led to your site. Some of these queries like 'Bored' and quite obvious but the number 2 hit in the list is 'i need a microsoft outlook expert in brisbane'. Six times someone has searched for that and found 'Bored on the Bus'? I think someone search engine must be due for an overhaul and serious tune-up. Ain't no outlook experts here and we ain't in Brisbane neither!

[Actually, just as a favour to whoever is searching: try deinstalling the software and installing something more stable and secure. For that matter use Linux, MacOS, Solaris - anything but M$ to host it. Even Groupwise on Novell would be better than Outlook. Then you won't need to find an Outlook expert in Brisbane! :wink].

Other amazing searches include (you realise that by publising this list, we will validate these searches):

Dilbert Team Leader - try dilbert.com or maybe theoffice

The Golf War - well we had some preliminary pictures before the war started where that bloke was holding up the 'Iron My Shirt' sign.

Golf of war II - see previous link

who discovered perversion - I don't know but we do link to Perversion Tracker which is a site that covers really bad software (like outlook), you could try them.

Is the anzus alliance relevant? - No. Saved you looking any further but it isn't a question that I ask myself very often.

expresso bus - Not sure about this one but drinking and driving is probably a bad idea - even if it is coffee.

roads rockets horses - Don't think we have talked about any of those topics. Certainly not in that combination. Do you think that professional help might be an idea?

uday hussein sex virgin - we are not that type of site, please take your interests somewhere else...

dilbert buy yourself a real computer - yup. We use that phrase, this is a valid hit. I can't show you the real cartoon but maybe you could ask Scott Adams for it. If you are really desperate, add a comment below and I will check which of my many dilbert books contains the cartoon.

Is that a Newton?

This morning on the bus (374) as I got out my trusty Newton, the man sitting opposite leaned forward: "Is that a Newton? I used to use one. Is there a market for them?". I explained obout the fabulous NewtonTalk mailing list and suggested he check the list and eBay for prices. I also gave him my card :wink just in case he decides to bypass an auction. I guess that I could have jumped the gun and made an offer on the spot but it seemed to be taking advantage of him given his lack of current knowledge. . .

Microslash gets it right...

An entry on Apple Turns led to a story on WebUser about the latest Microslash product: iLoo. Yup. It's a portaloo running windows. Well not literally running windows, I'd hate to have a BSOD (blue screen of death) while trying to flush.

Apparently the loo has a windows screen/keyboard/mouse so you can browse the net while doing whatever you came to do.

Maybe this is to compensate for those who like to read while sitting on the throne. AtAT have alternative suggestions but they also pointed out that there could be a real problem with hygiene. Maybe the Microslash people should check out this article about the SARS virus.

Now, maybe we could predict what sort of porn web sites would be accessed and add a chargeback mechanism :wink.

In case the links age out, here is the image (from WebUser):

More rain today

More rain today. We seem to have had a lot of it lately - at least in the city but there has been no mention of lifting the voluntary water restrictions and I am guessing that some country areas are still facing drought. The rain tends to disrupt the buses a bit with all the people having to close and open umbrellas as they get on and off the bus. This evening, I am on a 371 bus which, according to the sign, is going to "Randwick Jn via Randwick Jn".
I wonder if it will be raining on Thursday morning when I pick my sister up from the airport. It might be a good idea to take a couple of brollys because 99% of the car park is nowhere near shelter and Liz will probably be carrying as much as the baggage allowance will permit. Actually I was just thinking that if I had said that last phrase in a conversation, I would have used the words: "... and Liz will be overweight" which would have given a completely invalid meaning to the sentence. Just to clarify that - so my sister doesn't beat me up - it was her luggage that will be heavy, not my sister. Having to think more formally about what one says obviously has some impact so maybe those grammar schools have got something right after all!

Still in a good mood

Still in a good mood from yesterday! When you feel ok then little things seem to bother you less. This morning we had ticket inspectors who boarded at the same bus stop that I use. I didn't see them and had just put my ticket away and had to get it out again.
Normally, ticket inspectors are a bit annoying - not because of what they do but because of the way they do it. Well, wonders will never cease, these inspectors were polite and actually knew the magic word. Which reminds me of a story in "Sydney's Child" about a kiddies magician who asked his audience for a magic word to help get a rabbit out of a hat. He was expecting abracadabra but instead got a small boy who said in an injured tone: "The only magic words are 'please' and 'thankyou' and I have to use them all the time." Apparently this was more entertaining than the magician.
Oh, just in case you were wondering, everyone had a valid ticket which must be at least as rare as getting polite ticket inspectors.

Rats!

Found this article in the SMH which claims that 6 in 10 Australians are overweight and this is because they watch too much television.

I protest. The only television I watch is episodes of "The Office" which are kindly taped by a friend at work. That adds up to maybe half an hour a week.

If television makes people fat, then what happened to me :sad? If I stop watching "The Office" will I lose weight?

England vs France

[EDITOR: This story may have originated from another site. The oldest reference found so far can be viewed here.]

This one is from Pat again:

Three guys - an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman - are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish" says the genie.

The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales."

With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this
wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out."

The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water."

Back Again

Time to head back. I am on the 2:00 pm from Fassifern. To ensure that the trip will take just as long, we waited until 2:15 before starting. With that handicap, we should be a good half hour late at Central. Oh well, I actually don't mind. Sorry, I should have warned you to sit down before springing that on you.

For more ranting, read on ...

Unlike this morning I am in a good mood brought on by good friends, a good solid meal and of course some coffee. Even more important is the fact that everything worked!
I can just imagine the expression on monday, when a colleague asks: "so, whaddy do onya weekend?" and I answer: "Well on sunday, I was standing in a convent kitchen drying dishes alongside a priest."
The background to this is that I sometimes refit old computers for charitable purposes. Used to be old PC's but now that the licenses cannot be transferred between owners it is not worth the risk of being charged with piracy. Now it is old Macs. They keep their value well and tend to remain viable as a working platform longer. A fellow I know was buying a new eMac and wanted to sell his old (pre-G3) 7300/180. The machine came with an old but working monitor and a HP deskjet printer. The internal zip drive was dead (click of death) but everything else was supposed to be working. As I knew the history of the machine, I matched the highest 2nd hand retail price we could find: $200.
I reformatted the hard drive, reinstalled the O/S (9.1) and AppleWorks 6 (included with system) and added iTunes and then patched everything. Last weekend, I delivered the system to Sr. Cabrini who previously had been using a Performa 400. I copied her data over using a serial network (no ethernet on the Performa) and fired everything up. Computer worked like a charm and much faster than the old one. Then I tried to print. At first the printer wouldn't turn on at all. Then it wouldn't turn off (even with power disconnected). When it was on, it refused to talk to the computer or for an encore refused to print more than 1" of the document before claiming that there was no paper. Nothing helped except a momentary respite after resorting to percussive maintenance (ie wacking it).
A quick ring around confirmed that I had no hope of either (a) getting the printer fixed, or (b) buying a printer with an Apple serial connection. The only solution: buy a usb/pci card and a new printer. The local tricky-dicky was able to supply a USB card manufactured by dolphinfast and a HP printer in an open box. As the printer had obviously been opened, the boss knocked about $10 off. The card was in a box that clearly stated that it worked with Macintosh.
Back to the convent, open up the machine, thank goodness I had my tools with me. Wack in the card (using static precautions of course). Close up, start the machine: nothing happens. Maybe we need extra drivers. Grab O/S disk and reinstall USB and USB card drivers. No good. Apple system profile seems to be unsure about how many pci slots exist and what they are named.
Ok. Grab a phone line and my trusty powerbook and get on the net. Yup, the dolphin card supports Mac but no special drivers are required. Waste lots of time looking for answers - try different slots, software reinstalls - you name it. Oh well, I can test the printer using the powerbook. NBG (Australian for "Doesn't work"). End up vandalising the ink holders from the dud printer to rebuild the new one. The printer is now OK but the card is still stuffed. Spend so long that I need to book another night in the motel (Cardiff Motor Inn - great motel, try the spa room).
After I get back to Sydney, do some more research with no luck. Shopped all around the city for another card or a solution. The genuine Apple stores wanted two arms and a leg and the PC shops kept telling me that Macs can't use PCI cards. Gave up and went to Hardly Normal and found a Belkin card for $30 (the dolphin was $50). The salesman (everyone say "Hi Tim") was helpful but toed the standard non-Mac line: "you can't install that in a Mac". These guys must have shares in an Apple store. My response (having already identified this card by the part number): "even though it says Mac on the box". Given that, he allowed me to purchase the card.
After arriving this morning (and getting some coffee) I stuck the Belkin card in and it worked. Nothing else required. Apple profiler was happy, the printer worked and sisters' documents and bottle labels printed. Total time to get it going 10 minutes, including one toilet break (while the system booted) :grin. Travel time = 5 hours :sad. All in all, I feel pretty good about it.

PS: The train got back early!

Train to Newcastle

Today was mainly occupied by a trip to Newcastle by train. Some other time I will explain why the trip had to be made but right now I want to ramble on about the trip itself. It has been a long time since I had to travel on a train for any particular distance. This train left the country platform at Central at 5:55am and is supposed to reach Cardiff at 8:30. To reduce the suspense, I can tell you in advance that we won't make it.

For more of this winge, read on ...

Instead of compensating me for having to sit on a dirty train for 2.5 hours (each way), State Rail are charging me almost $20. To help me perceive some value in the process they have arranged to appeal to my artistic sences by providing poorly spelt graffiti on the seats and walls. They also provide, at no extra charge, incomprensible messages about what is happening. This is done at a volume that is almost non-audible unless you choose to doze off, in which case, it will suddenly become loud enough to interrupt the snoring around you - but it will still be impossible to understand.
The most recent announcements were about stopping at "wiring" or for "wiring". Fortunately we were able to get the electrical problem fixed at the next station, which was Wyong because we didn't stop there for very long.
The reason I can be confident about being late is that there have been repeated mumbles about "pass-n's gunna Newcastle gotta change into a bus at facing fern". This is apparently because the track is working - this is apparently not a good thing.
We have just been informed that "nex stop is a sure cert" which sounds more like a race tip than a station. Better check to see if there is a horse called "morriset" running.
Of course I could look out the window and enjoy the view, but it is awkward seeing through the "I wuz 'ere" thoughtfully etched on the glass. Next thing some misguided moron is going to tell me that this scrawled rubbish is artistic expression. What a load of old horse puckey. It is vandalism and destruction of property. If I catch the delinquents who use my fence to "express themselves", I will express myself artistically with a lump of 4x2.
If you think I sound a bit grumpy then you can explain why there was no coffee at Central. Apparently all the shops have this cartel-like arrangement where they all open at the same time - 5 minutes after the train to Newcastle departs. They probably have special arrangements to cope with the train being late as well. That means I have been up since 5am with no coffee.
The last two stations have come and gone without the honour of being announced but we have just been informed that we are all to be terminated and transfered . . .
Once out of the train, there are more announcements which are a bit clearer. Apparently there are "buses stationed at the entrance for the embarkement of passengers who wish to continue". Instead of a destination, the buses are helpfully labeled "Railway" so that you know which one to catch. Fortunately there are three fellows with clipboards to misdirect people. The bus drivers are friendly and they probably know where they are going.
The bus seats are more comfortable and relatively cleaner - still not great but no graffiti. Inside there is a local radio station playing through the speakers which is surprisingly clear. Maybe the trains should use this speaker system. Even when the driver announced the next stop it was crystal clear.
Just in case you were wondering - the bus got to Cardiff about 8:45 only 15 minutes late. Wonder if it will be better on the way back - stay tuned.

Students vs RIAA

An interesting story popped up in my NetNewsWire window from CNET about the RIAA vs students legal battle. Apparently four students have been convicted and fined by the RIAA. Whoopee. Steal stuff, get caught, get busted, pay for it. That's life.

As I read the story, I realised that there was more to it than just a simple theft of music. The main problem was not that the four students had "stolen" or "shared" music but that they had written a search tool that was capable of wandering around other computer systems looking for music. Effectively, using loopholes in Microslosh software, they had written a sort of mini-Google for MP3 files.

Given the relatively harsh fines imposed on the youngsters, I want to know how much Microslosh will be fined for making it possible. Really Microslosh provided the tools and material to make this breach possible. They must at least be accessories but given the current hue and cry about hacker tools, they are probably prime suspects.

Dream stoush: Microslosh vs RIAA.

Doing the math

Here is another take in those performance numbers for the Apple Music store. First they raise the same point we raised yesterday (or was it the day before): And don't forget that the current universe of potential iTunes Music Store customers is pretty darn tiny. Mac users are a minuscule subset of the total pool of computer users (albeit the smart, charming, and good-looking subset), and the number of Mac users in the U.S. (iTMS is U.S.-only so far) running Mac OS X 10.1.5 or higher (required for iTunes 4) is even smaller still. It doesn't take a whole lot of imagination to figure out what's likely to happen when Apple introduces the service outside U.S. borders and to all those poor slobs out there running Windows.

Jack goes on to do the maths: Aw, heck, it's Friday; let's do a teensy bit of math just for giggles. Figure first of all that the iTunes Music Store was maybe ten times more active at its launch than it will be on an average day once the hype starts to die down. That's 27,500 songs sold in 18 hours, or 36,667 a day, just among Mac users. Now, let's conservatively estimate that Windows support will increase Apple's customer base, say, eightfold, and international support will double it. That comes out to roughly 586,000 songs sold per day, even ignoring any boost that might come as Apple extends the store's catalog beyond the stuff offered by the major labels. Word on the street is that Apple gets about 35 cents per song it sells; even after siphoning off bandwidth and support costs, we're talking about probably at least a cool million bucks in pure profit for Apple each and every week. Yowza!

And who said that this would be small bickies?

The good news is that some of the protests about international access are working. According to MacRumours the whole international things is more a reflection on the music labels than Apple. Well the initial enthusiasm, even in a small segment of the market, has made the dollar signs appear in the eyes of the music industry all around the world and they are queueing up to sign up with Apple.....

Newt Browsing

I have been playing around with Newtscape which appears to be the Newton equivalent of AOL's Nutscrape Navigator (thanks Pete for using that name - it really sticks in your mind). In the process of trying to get it to work, I have browsed literally hundreds of web sites (using Safari on a mac!) many of which are apparently trapped in some kind of strange time warp triggered in 1997 or 1998. I plan to publish an up-to-date set of links soon.
Back to Newtscape. There are plenty of fans on the mailing list, lots of modules, and several places to aquire the software. The only problem is ... I can't get it to work. Maybe the problem is the amount of stack left with all my other applications running. Maybe the problem is a lack of a Newbie guide. Maybe the problem is a lack of competance on my part!
Anyway I set out to find an alternative or a easy-install-guide, whichever came first. It turns out that there are (at least) three browsers available. The other two are Lunatools (or Lunasuite) and Nethopper.
Having bad memories about the stability of the Luna software (although I believe there are now some patches for this), I tried Nethopper and guess what? It worked first time - even manged to load this page. Of course there were some problems where I had used png files instead of jpgs.
At that point, I decided to finish my search on the grounds that what I had was enough. In the process I have learned a lot about people. After the "death" of the Newton, there were a number of heroes that put a lot of effort into supporting the platform. Some others, who were sympathetic to the cause made their software or information available for free (or at least at a discount). The third group treated the situation as a non-event and are still charging the same premiums that were in place five years ago.
I know that the labourer is worthy of his (or her) hire but in many cases there does not appear to have been very much labour since Apple stopped marketing the Newt. Come on dudes (and dudettes), instead of flogging a dead horse, try helping it along. Discount it, bundle it, or release it to UNNA.

Golden Phones

This one is from one of my (many) brothers:

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

He then traveled to Indianapolis, Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and New York. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.

The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to AUSTRALIA to see if Australians had the same phone. He arrived in Australia, and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "30 cents per call."

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"

The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Australia now, son - it's a local call".

Operation Clambake

According to CNET, the anti-Scientology site "Operation Clambake" has just received an award for defending human rights.

Anyone who is thinking of Scientology or is currently in the non-church should at least look over this site. It has some pretty interesting stuff (including a guide to cheating on the psyc tests they use). Of course, I shouldn't say too much or this link may have to be removed....

Morons and Music

Just what has someone been smoking? A reader of "The Register" is apparently complaining about Apple's new music (yeah I know I do that too - see below). The basis for the complaint is that if you fail to back up your music or apply the digital rights on multiple machines or copy it to an iPod and then your hard disk crashes and you loose the music then you will have to buy it again.

Work through that once more. Think it thru. Here I am, average Joe Smith (not really average because I have a Mac and so I am smarter than average), and I buy some track from the Apple Music store. I play it in my iTunes. Cool. I never back up my hard disk. I am not going to let my wife/best friend/neighbour have a DRM license for this music. It's all mine. I am not going to put it on my iPod. I am not going to burn it to a CD. Instead, my house is struck by a bolt of lightening and my computer is fried. Now the evil Apple people won't let me re-download that song for free!

Get real. Get a life. Borrow some brains. Pull your head out of the sand. They are not going to give you a new computer either (maybe the insurance company will) and they won't restore your hard disk. That's what backups are for. I bet you spend half your life whining and complaining about big brother and now you actively want big brother to hold your hand.

Yeah. Right. I'll tell you what. I'll provide some insurance for you. Just like Aladdin does when you download software. You buy insurance if you want them to keep a copy and you are just too lazy to back your system up yourself. Here's my insurance proposal. Everytime you buy a track from Apple, go out and buy the CD as well. Then you have that reassurance that you can reload the music whenever you like. Saves you backing up your disk as well.

Hey, if that lightning strike fries your CD's as well, you could always ring up the music publisher and demand a replacement disk...

You want to complain about iMusic, tackle the inequality to 50% of Apple's customers who cannot even use the service (see previous posts for more rants about this).

Oh, and while you are thinking about replying to this article, back up your system!

Apple iMusic

According to Billboard Magazine, Apple sold 275,000 tracks in the first 18 hours of operation. The Register reports that the average profit per track is 35 cents so that means Apple was earning $96,250 in just 18 hours (about 260 songs/minute or $90/minute). The story also appears in MacMerc, MacCentral and AppleTurns.

Really it was quite a good result given that it was restricted to Mac users (not yet available for Windows....).

Actually it was a fantastic result when you also think that at least half of Mac users are not allowed to buy either. So how do you feel if you are a Mac user outside the US? You are no better than a PC user inside the US!

AtAT

Not sure who is counting, but today is the third back-to-back episode! After such a long break, it is great to see them back.

The best story about their return to life comes from CARS.

LOL?

I know that everything today has to be done in acronyms. I can remember a very long 2 hour class at TAFE where I tried (repeatedly) to explain that UNIX was not an acronymn (it was a pun on Multix). Sometimes these short forms are too complex to remember and sometimes there is confusion about what they mean. Everybody uses something like PCMCIA but what exactly does that mean? People Can't Memorise Computer Industry Acronyms?

One acronym that I only recently understood was LOL (used on lot on the internet for 'Laughing Out Loud') which even has a little smilie to go with it :lol. Too much LOL and you end up ROFL (Rolling On Floor Laughing) :rofl.

Well today I recalled where I had see LOL before. In Column 8, there was the following comment about Little Old Ladies:
The great columnist Jim Macdougall used to write about LOLs - Little Old Ladies. State Parliament House will be invaded by LOLs on Friday when the National Council of Women and the Federation of Business and Professional Women hold their annual lunch to honour the work of 90-year-olds, including Jean Arnot, a tireless fighter for equal pay for women, who would have been 100 this year (she died in 1995). Miss Arnot was head cataloguer at the State Library, and acting Mitchell Librarian - but was paid just over half the male rate. The lunch has attracted more than 350 women, 22 of them over 90, and one, Ruby Chappell, 106. And none of them would regard themselves as either little or old.

International Users?

While the recent announcements by Apple about the new iTunes and iMusicStore are wonderful examples of technology, there is a very large fly in the ointment. A fly that is pretty resentful already about iPhoto and is now getting thoroughly and completely ticked off.

Huh? What am I talking about?

A large number of Apple customers do not live in the continental United States. They live in strange foreign places like Australia, Europe, England, Japan, Africa, South America, China and Canada. The potential customer bases in these countries is far larger than the customer base in the US itself. So in order to attract this very large group of customers, Apple have decided to treat them different to local American customers.

First they make their computers more expensive (i.e. converting $US to local currencies is less than the current RRP). Next they introduce fantastic features like iPhoto books which are simply not available outside the US. When this was first proposed, Apple were "looking into options". Now more than 12 months later, they are apparently still looking. Could somebody please give them a phone book? Preferably the Yellow Pages. Marked at the relevant section for Photo Processing. Maybe highlight Kodak or something.

Now they have added insult to injury. The fantastic new feature of iTunes is the ability to download songs for $US0.99 instead of paying $AU40 at the music shop. Great, let me click on that button. Whoops. Not allowed BECAUSE MY CREDIT CARD DOES NOT HAVE A US BILLING ADDRESS!

How parochial can you get! How insular! What was that joke a few days ago about Americans not knowing "what the rest of the world meant"?

If this ticks you off as much as it ticks me off (even if you are American), why not sign the online petition?