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May 31, 2003

Ask the hard ones first...

Following a comment left on the blog, I came across this blog. The theme of the blog is "Cogito, ergo doleo" and given my lack of latin I will have to trust the authors translation as "I think therefore I suffer" (of course the original is the misquoted and misunderstood phrase of Descartes - Cogito ergo sum).

Back to the topic at hand. The most recent posting (at least when I checked) was a question: "I wonder why it becomes so much tougher to make friends as we grow up? What changes?" Feel free to hop over there and suggest something. I tried to leave a comment but the character count limit defeated me :wink.

After reading the comments that others had posted, I sort of started thinking about it. Really as we get older we do tend to "fossilize" (or should I say - you do but not me :wink). We tend to get more set in our likes and dislikes and less likely to try something new. If you work in IT, you collegues will tend to be very similar in many ways which only amplifies the process.

Maybe the best way around the problem is to force yourself to be involved in something that will mean interaction with people unlike yourself. That is not an easy thing to do but could be rewarding. One possibility is to join a church (or some other religious group). The only thing you will have in common will be the religious affiliation but the others that you meet on a regular basis will be unlike yourself in many ways. You may (assuming the group is active) end up meeting people and spending time with them who previously would never have appeared on your radar.

With my son starting school, we have tried to get involved in the affiliated church and we get to meet not only other parents (who all seem to be a lot younger than us) but also other parishioners (who all seem to be a lot older than us).

This forced mixing can have two results: it can lead to avoidance (you talk with your similar-minded friends about how useless the group is and how "stupid" the people appear) or it can lead to expanded horizons.

Posted by Ozguru at May 31, 2003 11:05 PM

Comments

Bang on! The first 6 months after I started working were bad. I realized that I didn't have a life - and my self-set standards for new friends were almost akin to an impenetrable wall! So I decided to do what you've mentioned - "forced mixing". I went for salsa & jive classes, took a course in acting, got in touch with a playwright/director friend and acted in is play, started a book club. All of this lasted cumulatively around 1 year. And then I realized that most people I met through these "channels" were "different" than my usual circle of friends. But you know what, difference loses it's charm and appeal after some time. And then as you said, the others appear 'stupid" and you start wondering what you're into. I work in I.T. It's mind-numbing beyond doubt. And full on unimaginative, dull people. But what're the choices I have? P.S. On the issue of my knowledge of latin - it is zilch! I knew that the quote often attributed to Descartes translates to "I think, therefore I am" and I know "doleo" means "to suffer" - ergo - "Cogito, ergo Doleo" :-)

Posted by: jivha at May 31, 2003 11:05 PM