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May 27, 2003
Make $$$ Fast
Received this amazing offer in the mail and thought it sounded so good I should pass it on. The comments in italics are my additions and I changed the country and names to protect the not-so-innocent (and any suckers that read this page and don't realize that this is a complete and absolute crock. The remainder of the letter (including spelling and grammar) have been preserved.
Dear [Sucker]Partner,
I am the son of the late [never on time] president of SomewhereYouHaveNeverHeardOf [outside of the US], (now called SomethingVaguelyCommunist). I presume you are aware there is a financial dispute between my family (THE MOB [Isn't that Sicily]) and the present civilian [as opposed to my father's military dictatorship?] Government. This is based on what they [and most of the rest of the world] believe as bad and corrupt governance on my late father's part. As you might have heard how a lot [but not all?] of my father's bank account in Switzerland and North America [Why not name the country - Canada, USA or Mexico?] has been frozen [Well it is winter, isn't it].
Following the above named reasons [the money is getting cold], I am soliciting[i.e. what prostitutes do] for your humble and confidential assistance to take custody of twenty Million [Is a "Million" bigger or smaller than a "million"?] United States Dollars (US$20,000,000.00 [apparently it hasn't earned any interest while getting chilly]), also to front for me in the areas of business you desire profitable [The secret to making a profit is desire!].
These funds have secretly [So secretly that the unnamed company does not even know about them] been deposited into a confidential [i.e. unnamed] Security firm where it can easily be withdrawn or paid to a recommended beneficiary [So go ahead, do it! Stop telling me and just proceed]. The funds will be released to you by the Security firm based on my recommendations on that note ["La" a note to follow "So"], you will be presented as my partner who will be fronting [Fronting for someone is the ideal position to get a kick in the rear] for me and my family [Presumably family is reference to the never-on-time father] in any subsequent ventures [What subsequent ventures, give me the money and you'll never hear from me again!].
Myself and my mother have decided to give 18% [Let me think. You are going to give me the ability to withdraw all of your money and then keep only 18% of it. If I were dishonest enough to help you get these ill-gotten gains, I would also be dishonest enough to vanish with 100% of the money] to you if you are able to help us claim this consignment. We have also decided to give you any money spent on phone calls or traveling expenses in the course of this transaction at the end of the transaction [I have a better suggestion, treat me like a private detective. You pay upfront a retainer of lets say $US100,000 and then pick up the expenses tab at the end.].
Please, I need your entire support and cooperation for the success of this business ventures, your utmost confidentiality and secrecy is highly required, due to my family's present predicament.
I sincerely [Sincere is from the Latin - means "without wax" and yet I think this fellows head is full of earwax - can't be full of brains] will appreciate your acknowledgment as soon as possible. I am presently in the refugee camp here in the Netherlands [So you are not in any type of trouble and you are closer to the money than I am, your only problem is poor English] under the united nations refugee camp in Netherlands and I can be reached on my direct telephone number +31-621-XXX-XXX for an elaborate discussion [Elaborate sounds long and that phone number is a MOBILE phone in the Netherlands. I could blow that retainer in a couple of calls!].
Please indicate your interest by sending your telephone and fax numbers [Nah. You don't need those numbers, you already have my email address and if you can find it mixed in with the other 50,000 email addresses that also received this crap, feel free to send it again with my name spelt correctly!] or call me at anytime. I sincerely will appreciate your acknowledgement as soon as possible.
Thanks [Anytime],
Timothy I-Want-To-Rip-You-Off Mobutu Sese-Seko Hussein.
Conclusion: You send me $US100,000 as a retainer and agree to pay all expenses. I will take 100% of the ill-gotten gains and pass them to any legitimate charity which is helping those dispossessed by your never-on-time father.
Posted by Ozguru at May 27, 2003 08:05 AM
