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July 09, 2003
Political Football
Thanks Aussie Courier for this entry:
Football Rules from Various Political Structures
SOCIALIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes half your points and redistributes them to the opposing team.
COMMUNIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and gives you back what the Central Bureau of Points designates as appropriate (according to your needs).
FASCIST FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and sells them back to you.
NAZI FOOTBALL: After you score, the state takes away all your points and shoots your team.
BUREAUCRATIC FOOTBALL: After you score, a tax of 80% will be imposed on the points. 10% of your points will be given to the scoring disadvantaged, 10% of the points will be given to the opposing team as an incentive "not to score," while 60% of the points will be used by the state for administration.
CAPITALIST FOOTBALL: The Super Bowl -- Winner Take All
Of course if I was being really cynical I would change the COMMUNIST entry to read something like: After you score, the state takes away all your points and gives most of them to the children of the elite members of the part and then gives you back what the Central Bureau of Points designates as appropriate.
We could also add some:
AUSTRALIAN FOOTBALL: Each player would be deemed to owe the government a certain number of points (indexed by inflation) to be repaid along with their annual tax bill provided they score over a certain number of points in the year. Also there would be a 10% surcharge for Medicare, a 10% surcharge for East Timor, a 10% development fund surcharge (to further develop the game), a 10% surcharge for the munitions used in Iraq (we have to refund the cost of these to the Americans as a reward for helping), a 25% surcharge for the federal politicians retirement fund, a 15% surcharge for the state politians retirement fund and a 30% "income" tax. All percentages to be applied against the total points scored, any deficit to be carried forward.
ENGLISH FOOTBALL: No plan to win any points so allocation of points irrelevant.
FRENCH FOOTBALL: If they score, ten points will automatically be deducted for being arrogant and unsufferable. If the other side scores, ten points will automatically be deducted for being arrogant and losing.
Any more suggestions?
Posted by Ozguru at July 9, 2003 08:07 AM
