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July 10, 2003
Newsflash
[Ed: Originally posted on Slumbering Pierrot, Thu Ju1 10]
News flash
[Music: Dit di - da dit dit, dit di - da dit dit.]
[Voiceover: This is a 2-AUS-FM NewsFlash with a special current affairs reporter .... Bob Buckly]
Umm. Gday. Actually this is Harry here. I'm like standing in for whats-his-name. You know the regular news reader fellow. Yeah Bob. That's right. He's not available on account of being in hospital. Had a run in with a bull and got thirty stitches. I mean the Bob got the stitches not the bull. The bull's fine. I think.
Anyway, got this phone number here. Bob reckons its a satellite phone and it belongs to some bloke in the army. This blokes supposed to be looking for WMDs or something. Wonder if that is like 4WDs. Plenty of them around here. All them city slickers coming up here and pretending to be all macho with big honking 4WD, hogging the road, no manners....
Oh yeah, this phone number. Just dialing now.
[Dialtone ... phone beeping ... busy tone ... muttered swearing ... redial sounds ... ringing]
Phone: Secret Australian Task Force. Private Simpson here.
Radio: Umm. Gday. Whaddya say your name was?
Phone: Private Simpson. This is an unlisted number.
Radio: Yeah I know. This is 2-AUS-FM and you are on the air.
Phone: Nah mate. Couldn't be me. This is the middle of Iraq. You're pulling me leg.
Radio: Seriously, this is Harry and I'm standing in for Bob Buckly and we are live on air as we speak.
Phone: Well, stone the crows! Can I say hello to Mum? Hi Mum! I know she listens to Bob everyday. Where's Bob.
Radio: Had a disagreement with something that tried to eat him. Now can you tell me how you are going in the search?
Phone: You know about the SEARCH?
Radio: Yeah mate, public knowledge over here.
Phone: Well we have covered nearly 60% of the possible places here and we have not found a single protractor. Not one set square. No calculators. Nothing.
Radio: Huh? What are you talking about?
Phone: Well that is our mission, we are here to find (imitates Texan drawl) "all them instruments of maths instruction".
Radio: No, no. That is supposed to be "Instruments of Mass Destruction".
Phone: Your kidding me again.
Radio: Nope that's what the paper says.
Phone: Which paper.
Radio: The Tele.
Phone: Oh. OK. Look I'd better go and tell the boss. Umm. You'd better lose this phone number.
Radio: Yeah. Righto mate.
[Hangs up]
Well there you have it, the reason we can't find Weapons of Mass Destruction is because a Texan accent sent the boys on a wild goose chase....
Posted by Ozguru at July 10, 2003 07:07 AM
