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August 07, 2003
Sleeping Parrot
Adapted from the original script found here.
Scene: A website production office staffed by peons.
Reader: Hello, I wish to register a complaint . . . Hello? Miss?
Worker: Hi, I'm Black! What do you mean, miss?
Reader: Oh, I'm sorry, I'm fat. I wish to make a complaint.
Worker: Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Reader: Never mind that my lad, I wish to complain about this parrot what I subscribed to.
Worker: Oh yes, the Sleeping Parrot. What's wrong with it?
Reader: I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.
Worker: No, no it's resting, look!
Reader: Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one and I'm looking at one right now.
Worker: No, no sir, it's not dead. It's resting.
Reader: Resting?
Worker: Yeah, remarkable bird the Sleeping Parrot, lovely articles, innit?
Reader: The articles don't enter into it -- it's stone dead.
Worker: No, no -- it's just resting.
Reader: All right then, if it's resting I'll wake it up. (hits reload several times) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cookie for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Worker: (jogging screen) There it moved.
Reader: No he didn't. That was you pushing the screen.
Worker: I did not.
Reader: Yes, you did. Points to date of last real posting in July. Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Worker: No, no it's stunned.
Reader: Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I subscribed, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk. You promised two topics every week and one of them was going to be funny.
Worker: It's probably pining for a better browser.
Reader: Pining for a better browser, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I loaded the page?
Worker: The Sleeping Parrot prefers kipping on its back. Beautiful bird, lovely articles.
Reader: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered that the only reason that it had any content in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Worker: Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
Reader: Look matey (picks up parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if I put four thousand volts through it. It's bleeding demised.
Worker: It's not, it's pining.
Reader: It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Worker: Well, I'd better replace it then.
Reader: What with?
Posted by Ozguru at August 7, 2003 12:08 AM
Comments
Posted by: GDay Mate - Reviews at August 7, 2003 12:08 AM
