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October 08, 2003
Men vs Women (Serious)
Thanks to a pointer from Steve at Little Tiny Lies I have been reading this article.
I can remember some of this stuff from Cognitive Science (like the MRI scan differences) but this author has managed to put the science into an easily understood format. The key argument in the article (and presumably the book) is that men and women are different (which is probably a heresy as far as the radical-femanists and politically-correct universe is concerned). The article suggests that the reason that women find men hard to understand stem from these differences:
The answers, says social philosopher and author Michael Gurian, lie not in laziness, sexism or sheer pigheadedness but in profound differences between the male and female brain - and scientists now have the technology to prove it.
"What Could He Be Thinking? How a Man's Mind Really Works" combines two decades of neurobiological research with anecdotes from everyday life and Gurian's experience as a family therapist to present a new vision of the male psyche.
It's a vision Gurian hopes will help promote a better understanding of men and reverse what he sees as the dangerous assumption that men have simply become redundant.
"As a culture, we've made profound mistakes in the last few decades by assuming that men were unnecessary. Many people have even gone so far as to negate or dismiss what is at the core of a man," Gurian writes.
The article goes on to raise some of the key differences that science has discovered:
The male brain secretes less of the powerful primary bonding chemical oxytocin and less of the calming chemical serotonin than the female brain.
So while women find emotional conversations a good way to chill out at the end of the day, the tired male brain needs to zone out all that touchy-feely chatter to relax - which is why he wants the remote control to zap through "mindless" sport or action movies.
His brain takes in less sensory detail than a woman's, so he doesn't see or even feel the dust and household mess in the same way.
The male brain attaches less personal identity to the inside of a home and more to the workplace or the garden - which is why he doesn't get worked up about housework.
Male hormones such as testosterone and vasopressin set the male brain up to seek competitive, hierarchical groups in its constant quest to prove self-worth.
That is why men - paradoxically, from a hormonally altered new mother's point of view - become even more workaholic once they have kids, to whom they must also prove their worth.
So does this mean that we men should all rush out and buy a copy of the book?
Gurian says his book is aimed mainly at women. "Men get this already. They are living this brain, but they don't have the conscious language to explain it. Women are not living it.
"If they are relating to a man, I hope they will be touched, informed and entertained, and will have a new vision of the way they can make their relationship work."
The consequences are profound for a generation of women brought up to believe it is men who have to change, and men who must respond to a female way of relating for marriage to succeed.
Is there any hope for us mere males?
Gurian says men can learn new skills and alter their behavior - but they won't be able to meet all of women's expectations.
Oh well, I guess it is good that someone is looking into it. Having two children (one boy, and one girl) I can tell you that there are differences between them that have nothing to do with culture or social pressures. Even by the age of two or three, they had different expectations / preferences that follow fairly traditional roles.
Posted by Ozguru at October 8, 2003 07:10 PM
