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June 19, 2003
Lucky Simon
[WARNING: This item contains complete and unbridled speculation with no basis in reality - in other words, I can't be bothered checking the facts but you will get the gist of the matter anyway!]
Background: We have two political parties in Australia. Well two that count. Well actually three but two of them are joined at the hip pocket. Well actually lots of little ones (but I am ignoring them for now). On the left we have the Labor party and on the right we have the Coalition (Liberal + National). At the Federal level, the Coalition are in charge of the monkey-house and the Labor party are opposing them. The leader of the Coalition (Little John) is the Prime Minister and the leader of the Opposition is Whats-His-Name. Whats-His-Name has the distinction of being more disliked than any other leader (at any time) including Paul Keating.
More History: When the war with Iraq was looming, Whats-His-Name oscillated rapidly unable to clearly direct his party to do anything. He was anti-war. He was pro-war. He insulted the Americans. He apologized to the Americans. Some of his party went to anti-war rallies, some to pro-war rallies. He set the party direction on Monday and changed it 5 times by the end of the week. Nobody respected the way he handled it.
Current Events: Newspoll of voters done nationwide asking about preferred Prime Minister. About 50% of coalition voters like the PM (that's normal) about 20% like Kim Beazley (the alternate leader of the opposition), about 10% picked Crean (because he is guaranteed to lose the next election and give the coalition another turn). About 99.9% of Labor voters wanted Kim Beazley and the rest wanted Paul Keating or Bob Hawke back. Got it. Ain't nobody want this dude.
Next: Kim Beazley challenges Crean for leadership of the party. Coalition runs around panicing (they have no chance against Beazley and they know it). Matter goes to the caucus (i.e. all the elected Labor party twits) and they vote overwhelmingly to retain Crean as leader. Little John immediately announces that he will run another (historic) 4th term.
Best summary comes from Spike:Spike has decided to run our own campaign to boost Simey's profile. We're going to help him find a nickname. All the other big boys in Canberra have one: Kim Beazley is Bomber, John Howard is Honest John, Little John, The Rodent or The Prime Miniature and Peter Costello is The Dog (because Jeff Kennett said he had all the attributes of a dog except loyalty).
Our three nominations for Simey are: Lucky Simon - because only 58 people in Australia think he should be Labor leader and they all happen to have a caucus vote; Simon Says - because most of the time, nobody pays any attention to him; and Viagra - because there's still no guarantee he'll ever get an election.
Posted by Ozguru at June 19, 2003 01:06 PM
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Posted by: Ozguru at June 19, 2003 01:06 PM
